and so this small planet we're staying on is not that big anyway, if you look bigger, into the stars, the universe, milky way etc etc, i always ended up hours and hours trying to figure out how big this universe is actually, and how small one person existance is. And at most of the time, i gotten a chill when i reach at a point, i got scared....lost...cause, there's no answer at all, who knows the whole freaking universe is just as small as the smallest thing that even our eye can't seen. Freaky huh..
and so i start to think how big my existence is, yes, HOW BIG ! sometimes i always wonder how much i was really needed, even if it's just a small group of people, i always think...what will happen when one day i didn't even exist, will things change ? will it be the same ? and..does it really matter even if i'm around..
and so as of now, for what i felt is that, my existence is so small that, i'm only needed when i am needed, and as long as they found something else, i'm always being thrown aside. That's, the thought of life that i'm having, and i guess that what makes me not afraid of anything, including deaths.
Not only i lost my dream, not only..i lost my way, my loved one, and also whatever that i wished for, it never came true. I always thought and wished that, since i'm the caused of everything, so maybe i can choose my own ending and path, but everything seems to end in a quite bad, or worst. Probably im just too young to think of all these, but....how long will this be until ?
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