taking, for granted..

As weird and haywired this world seems to drift to
there is really alot of things that's unexplainable
which it can only be clear as we aged.

As much as someone says that they understand my intention
as much as people says they knew how i really feels
and as much as people trying to lie their way out
in the end of the day, people might still do not have a clear understanding on what they want..

I am, a perfectionist too
and, at the very least i never lied about my own feelings
and so do my promises...

i wonder, what will become of me
since, giving all the love away is never an assurance that they'll love you back the same way..

the world, will still continue to circle...

Looking back on what happened
having a little thinking of those moments
going through with all the memories
it has became clear that
people whom do things without knowing their intention
people, whom say things without going thru their hearts first
and people, who trying to decide everything on their own base on their own value
are those usually who would end up lost in the end of the day.

What about having the biggest house when it doesn't feel like home ?
what about having the sweetest dream when you couldn't hold on to ?
what if you love someone so deeply, when you can't even say it anymore..
and what if the time is right in the end after all...

In the end, people just do things base on what they want
without caring what other's might feel
so in short, most people are sellfish...
couldn't help it, is a lie
i have no choice, is a bullshit
the time isn't right, is utterly nonsense.

For all these years putting my heart into everything that i believe in
i wonder, how many times it has to a fake
i wonder...which are the feelings that i could believe on anymore...

I guess, no matter how much you yearn for something
if it isn't yours, it never meant to be..
and now i know, why people have no choice
but would give up on someone they love
if they really love them.

memory

It's not about what other people think
sometimes, it's up to self to decide what's best for own
in this world, there's never right or wrong to begin with anyway
because in the end of the day, people..are the one who decides that..

Nothing compared to the pain of one's is alone when they're lost,
nothing, is as freaky,as to already knew what would happen next before the event takes place
nothing, is as painful as waiting for something that could never happen.

And for a small loving warmth that still within me, is the only sweetest memories that i could only hold on to for now.

peaceful, isn't it...

it's been months
thinking about how it happened
it really felt like a dream
a dream where you do not know how it started
where you could not control how it'll goes
which so sweet that it always ended during the best part.

waking up this morning, i could still feel the warmth i had
i still, could feel your fingers in between mine
it's almost as if you're still around me
it's as if, we're walking in the park hands by hands
and then i smiled
realizing...it's just a dream....

the turning..

Not knowing where i could head too
slowly, little by little
i am giving all up
from the thing i like the most
until, the thing i love the most
since it will never work
why bother ?

And as of now
the love that i longed for so badly
i bid thee farewell...

and this, will end this path...

everything, i do..

i would give up my sleep, just to see you, or talk to you
i would give up my pride, just to make sure you're fine
i would give up all my own principles, just to make you feel better
i would give up all my time, just to be with you
i would give up all, of everything and everything else
just
to
see
you
smile...

and now for the thing i missed the most,
i know i wouldn't be able to see it anymore
and, i wouldn't wanna find out
that it's not me you're smiling at.

a path, i search..

and so...i read-ied myself for this little dream...

cast away

It's not easy to face the feelings i'm having
having such a thought that i could feel a stab in my heart with a huge blade

I wonder if this is what's it like to feel being left out
and yet, i wonder if i would ever being not recognize

Having to choose a path where i would end up being alone
having, to become a person who is totally devoted to someone..
who am i kidding anyway, when...this 'someone' doesn't even exist teorically ?

But everytime i could keep moving
is just simply because i know, that i am doing it because i truly love this person...

I'm not as brave as others who could just snatch
i'm not, as smart and as flower guys as someone else
i probably not as a good talker as anyone else..
At least i know, loving you is true
even, if i'm the only one left in this world

a 90 degress turning

in this few days
locking up myself in a room
disconnecting with the world
even for a few hours per day
made me realize alot of things

i realize
there is no end to miss someone that you truly love
the more you try to forget someone;the more you kept remembered the sweetest memories with them
the more i try to avoid not doing things that shouldn't do;the more i would end up hoping even more

the more when i realize i can't let this go
the more i have to keep to myself
the more i can't do the things i could
and the more i can't show my feelings...

In short, i gotten better in "hiding" things now.
Amusing, isn't it...

With how things goes,
i guess....i finally realize what's the last thing i could do...