Naive ?

It's just like going up to a roller coaster, the feeling of excitement and anticipation while queuing up for it, feeling dilemma and excited at the same time while sitting inside while waiting for it to starts..excitement grows when the roller coaster going up, and the feelings starting to rush in and remixed when the roller coasters goes up and down.

For my life have been always a roller coaster, whether it's been slow or fast pace,been good or not...no matter how fun, or happy those moments are, every time before it actually started, i'll always get stuck at prologue and ended up failing even before it begins...i'm not sure what have i done wrong, nor do whether i've been cursed or not...and so it seems, the things that happens to me is always out of my control, and it'll never turn out right for me before it even begins.

I'm really getting sick of this, it's like a novel where you started writing it with all your efforts, the feelings of not being able to end it...for almost quarter of your decade is tiring...depressing, and lonely...i'm...really wanting to get out of this, i'm really tired of all these..whether it's my own life, or my love life..even though all i ask for, is just a simple lifestyle.

But, where can i go...where can i leave too...i can't just head to someone i love, i can't just do what i want or could anymore, and i really don't want to grow fear of my own future that could brings only sadness to others...

I wonder...if the future i dreamt of, is possible...even tho i dreamt of it to be as realistic as possible, it seems to be getting further..and further away.