I do love you

It's been hours
that i didn't do anything else except thinking
It wasn't long
but it seems like forever that i have known you
my heart is at it's limit while i kept telling myself that we weren't meant to be together
as much as i hate to admit and accept that
i am too, a human with feeling.

I still remember the first time i saw you,
the second time
the third time
and until today
i treasured every moment that i am with you
all i think, was you
all i want, is you
even tho i anticipated today will come
even tho, i know i wouldn't stand any chances at all
even tho, i know i am just dreaming

but it was the sweetest dream, i have had all these years
i made a promise, that i would leave at the time you felt like it
and yes, i will keep to my own promise
i told myself that i would stay away
as much as it's tearing up my heart apart
as much as it's like a world's end
i'll just kept to this feelings to myself
just as much as i love you.

And so, my fairy tale ended just like that...
it's only tears, that i found in the end...
and again, i couldn't hold someone dear to me the most for long...
Now i understand..
Now,i see completely
that, long lasting love
Can never seems to happen to me..

And so, my life will start again
walking, on the path of dull and meaningless
Never want to seek for another love again...

There's no way i could forget you
there's no way, i could let you go
there's no way i could stop thinking about you
there's no way i could stop loving you

As much as i tried to hold my tear
As much as i alread promised
i will leave, when you think it's time
and now
i'll just silently, keeping my distance
and i will still
being there for you
loving you

And if there's one thing that i would treat myself better
The best thing that could ever happened in my life,
is you..
hoping, that i could embrace you again...
Probably, i'm just dreaming..

for now, it's for you..

I didn't realize
that at a time that i would actually jealous
at someone who is in a relationship.

Having to watch over 50++ couple
Showing how much they love each other on the spot
really change alot of way of how i think of things
I realize
indeed, i do need alot of love right now

For you
that i found love after i met you
all i wish for,
is just you'll be living happily

And the only thing i'm hoping is
that i would be one
the reason
that could make you happy

I wished that i could share your joy
and your sorrow

I'm wondering, if you would be able to hear my feelings...

I Love You

the lights are out
the music is loud
the people, are enjoying
and the feelings, is nostalgic

After spending hours, thinking in da bistro
i finally comes to a conclusion, on where i should head
dealing with whatever i currently facing first
then, i'll mend whatever i have made a hole last time

i'm not sure whether i should do this or not
i'm not even sure, if i'm right or wrong
but
telling someone you love them, isn't a crime anyway
besides, if i don't i think...i'll definitely regret it..

i told myself
I wouldn't have 2 way feelings anymore on someone
friends, will be friends
closer friends, will always be closer friends
those whom i like and had a crush on them, will forever be on my list
for those whom i'm in love with...i'll always wish for your own happiness
guess what
It's true that everyone wanna be with their love one
sometimes
we can only wish for their own happiness
so
if i'm not the one
no matter how much i tried
no matter how many time i fell

i will, accept it.
But in the end of the day
i'll still tell you
Yes, i Do..love you =) *With a smile*
by then
will you be able to see my HaLo ?

crossway ?

As of now, No matter how hard i tried, i am still missing you...

Really now, i wonder where i should let my feelings lead me, or i should let what i wanna do to lead me...

it's amazing that how much a question can change one person mood =) I'm glad, i knew you

who am i kidding ?

When was the last time i think the same and felt the same as now...January ? Hoping out from nothing with the smallest posibilities, ignoring the fact that it will never happen,trying to archieve something that will never benefit myself. Am i wasting my own time here ? Being an emotional disturbance seems to happen more and more frequently recently, almost everything i do means nothing but reminded of myself how painful is it when i am facing the reality, well that sounded like i was in fantasy all the while.

It seems that i myself doesn't fit into wherever i am anymore, if so..where do i belong at anyway ?

Even when i say it doesn't matter and used to walk alone, at times like those...i still cried alone in my heart.

which direction shud i look at ?

I just realized, maybe i should just keep those feelings inside

but probably it's too late to say that now

I hope things will goes well as it is 

hopefully things didn't turn out as bad as i could imagine.

In my life i never first hope for what i want on my own in the first place

all i hope is, that no one would be troubled after what i have done.

And for the love that i found right now,

i could only wish that she'll be happy on whatever she decided.

As always, I'll choose to be a shadow

no one would realize i'm there, but at least i'm there when they needed someone.

But in the end of the day, i wonder..who would be there for me...when i truly need a shoulder to lean on..

im a human, with feelings too..

in the midst of this darkest path
i can't seems, to stop imagining
the future that i am walking towards
will be as lonely, as i always trying to avoid.

It's been years,
and I wonder when will be the time,
that i could fall apart...

Isn't there anyone,
someone, anyone at all
Who could pull me up
from this sorrowful whirlpool ?

will you be able to hear my feeling ?

Up until now
for everything that i have hope for
for everything that i wished for

I wish to share all the love i have with you..

It might just be a dream
at least, i know i'm alive
at least, could hope and wish for it.

yes, i do

Things that i've been reluctant on doing it
finally, i've mentioned it
even tho it's not from my mouth
but i guess it's better this way, than getting awkward situation after that.
Somehow, i still think it's irresponsible on doing so
by saying something, that i don't even know what i am trying to archieve.

The love that i've been chasing,
always ended up right infront
where i wont be able to grab
wont be able to hold
and somehow , it's never been mine.

It's been too long since i remember when i started to occur all these
probably, this is what i get after turning down those girls in the past
but hey, i hope it's not even related.

For the last time, in this long lost dream
reaching for the long lost stars
just like a snowflakes that will never melt
Maybe i should just accept my fate
for just being beside
silently, lending a hand whenever they need.

And so, my journey continues
looking for the love
with tears, where i no longer can hold it anymore.

add1ct3d ?

everwhere that i'm looking at

i can feel that you're around

addicted to your smile

and loving to see you asleep right beside me

even if it's a fairytale

i hope, this fairytale will never ends.

unconditional ?

now i understand
that i've been missing you so much
until it took my sleep away
all i think is you
i am wondering
if this is the love that belongs to me.

I'm not as brave as i were last time
barging into someone's else relationship aint what i will ever do again
probably
i'll just hav to wait till the right time
and wait, is what i'll do
just because
i do want to be with you.

being emo, for long enough

I just realize as time past by, it's easier to get emotional disturbed.
As of now, almost every single thing i do
every single thing i say
i see
and what people did
i'm easily effected
i guess at this point of time,
i am more fragile than ever,
and i might just act...not myself.

I doubt, i know what i really should do now..

who am i ?

i wonder, who am i to you..

full stop~

I found out that, the more i put an effort on something, the more i'll dissapoint myself.

Probably i was just thinking too much, but...it's been happening for years...

In the end of the day, i think..i'll just put a full stop on all these kind of childish thoughts of being who i am now, which..i think i'm hating it as time past by...seriously, who am i to everyone of you anyway?

<3 ?

i wonder,am i right on this is love that i've been looking for..

the smile..

You have the most beautiful eye that i've seen,
a smile that would take my breath away
a voice, that could made me dream.
and the escent, where i could feel you're near.

Having to tell myself and admit that it's never been mine
having, to used to think that it will never belong to me
having, to accept that i would never have that chance at all to think about it
having, to force myself to think it's all just a dream.

This happend, so often, that as time past by, the love that i seek, no longer will became mine
and at the same time
i think
because of these, it is slowly taking away my smile.
I wonder, when can i really smile and laugh again.

Sooner or later, as the love that i seeks is gone
i guess, i'll lost myself again...

i wonder, where could she be...
thinking of these, always brings my tears alive..

it resurfaced...

It's just 2 months right after i was be able to stop pen down whatever that causes me tears, and here..right now, i can't believe i decided to continue writing all these again.

As probably, loving someone isn't my thing in my life at all. All these while, it's been nothing, except heart broken pains and tears.

How long, can i hold onto being myself with all these happening around me.

I wonder..