I've been wondering why do people actually wanna blog. Is it to share with others on what they experience ? Cause they got no one to talk to ? or they just wanna show off and proud of what they write. Personally, i myself don't even know why i blog. Maybe because i cant tell anyone about it. Or most probly, i'm just afraid of telling.

One after another, things keep happening and went out of my control. If curses are really that strong, i would hate to admit i've been cursed, as no matter how hard to try to take something under control, but in the end...it'll be out of control.

It's already 4am here. No matter how i think, i still can't let you go. Can't accept the fact that you're just a friend of mine, whom nothing more, or less than friends. There's alot of thing that couldn't be done, especially arguements. Each cases that spark between us, can only dimmed back by itself. There's no one i can tell to, no reason i have to complain about it, since i'm forcing things to happen now.

Wanted to stay like this forever..but the truth, is still the truth...no matter how someone's keep the truth away from others, it's just a matter of time when it's revealed. For me whois afraid of losing you. Cant imagine the possibilites that i might lose you, when the time comes. Ignoring it, is the only option i have now, to move on like this.

For you whom always being so kind, so kind to me...sometimes, i can't help it but think that i'm taking advantages from your kindness...and i wonder, if it's what you really want, or you're just simply can't make any decisions. I can't doubt more, as i believe in you, repect your decision, and all i can do now, is stay by yourside. As much as i could before time runs out.

Words no longer be able to tell how much i love you, but i hope that, you'll get the best of all...it might be not me, but..it's still the best, and i have no regret if the worse comes. But, what if it's the best ? I could not imagine. As things never goes as i always expected.

In a day, i've gone through...

How it feel waiting sms/phone call in 6 hours.
or even replies.

A feeling to not being able to complete a task no matter how hard you try.

And glad being able to complete it at last.

A single line that makes my tears rushing out.

Instant Sadness.

The difficulty of keeping a suprise with lies.

How i hate traffic jam during office hour.

24 hours is never enough.

How scary it is when battery level critical.

Being kind is not easy.

Even until now..i don't even know i should had let you see all these or not. Not knowing what you'll think, regardless of what will happen...knowing you'll get confuse, with your own hopes and wishes...i might once again, ruining other people's life.

After all these time with you...it's been like, a month and a week since you'd left ? Still unsure of what i've been doing is right or wrong. Tho i had tell myself for letting you got all the time, since you'd already someone. Maybe i'm just being sellfish...for wanting you to be mine, and only mine. But, at things right now..at this rate..and if things continue like this, i think my mentality will just break off to many pieces one day, without knowing where should i follow.

Hearing things from your voice, is really something that kept me moving on. Sometimes i wonder how true this world is, does only people believe on what they see and think ? what about peoples word ? I wouldn't think someone is lying if they tell me something unbelievable. But, sometimes it's not me who wanna doubt what's happening around..just that, i just felt this way...day after day, i'm afraid of the reality...that even tho i love you, but i cant being with you as i wished....and i wonder how long ( again ) this will continue on...and i wonder, what's gonna happen when the day that you made your decisions, and what's gonna happen when people found out that i'm actually hammering people's relationship. I cant really tell what i've been doing is right or wrong anymore.

People would say, if you follow your heart..and as long as the couples are happy about it..there's no reason to be afraid of. Easy as to be said, but hard to follow.

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It's your birthday today...and yeah, i'm writing this after you're asleep...regretted through everything i did today, from the time i hang up phone, till now..and still wondering if i'm allowed to be in love with this girl..and i wonder whois the one gonna decide that..but if you'd ask me, i can only say : I wouldn't wanna lose her, anymore...

Even tho i went out for 2 hours, and i promise that i'll be here for the day. I hope you'll just give me another 22 hours that's left, the time that i cancel out all my datez...it's hard to make up something, when you'd already cast such a painful memories before...but, i just hope you'll be happier after all these, cause i couldnt hope more for you happiness..other than myself. I would wish for your wish to come true...until, the day you would smile..and telling me, that dream that you're wishing for, is actually for real...