I love you, but i won't be able to tell you.

You know it, but you won't rest until i can say it.

Wishful thoughts doesn't work.

And actions were never louder than words.

Just as usual, your life will move on, in a better direction.

while I,

Still trap in this heartbreaking loop, i guess this will follows me till the end of my time.

A home, a lover, and a friend..

A home, it doesn't have to be big,
A place that i can call home,
A comfortable bed i can sleep on,
A chair i could sit on to read my book,
A quiet room that i can spend my evening resting and drawing, or even playing instrument,
A living hall with a sofa that i can share my movie time with people close to me.
Not a house where i came back that i can felt stress and frustrated.

A soul mate, whom can hold me dear, she doesn't even need to be the best among all,
Someone who cherish every moment i make time for her,
Someone whom give me attention when i'm around,
Someone who understands how i really feels,
Someone whom have faith in me,
Someone who stay right besides me no matter what happened.
Not someone who can't even call my name or look at me.

A friend, who needs me, and i can count on, doesn't even need a lot of friends,
Friends whom i can count on when i needs them,
Friends who will not allow me to feel lonely,
Friends whom doesn't wear a mask while being with me,
Friends who really care of what i am going through.
Not a friend whom treat me like a thing and throw me aside when not needed.

I'm tired of all these,
so tired that i'm disappointed,
so disapointed that i'm not even mad anymore.

4 letter word.

"I love you"

Yes, you heard it right.
How would you re-act if i tell you this ?

I think of you so much, until it is hard to tell how much i really care for you and love you.

I am not afraid that you will not be mine,
I am not afraid that you won't have time for me,
I will not force you to stay,
I will not ask anything in return,

The only fear that i have is you decided not to see, or speak with me anymore.

Even after so many years, 
Even after so many distractions, 
Even after countless of efforts... 

 The past, still lingers around... 

 I guess, this will be my curse, that will follow me, till i stop breathing.. 

 I wonder, if i can ever rest in peace.

I'm always here

Finally...it's all gone.

The end.

I have a lot of reasons.

Even if i'm willing tell.

Who would even believes those anyway.

I'd rather not being love,

than my love being rejected.

Where is the love ?

Even after 300 post, i still don't understand....what do i really get in return, for loving people with all my heart.

Maybe..i should stop looking for it.

This is Rei, and my life, is still zero.

How do i find, the right one..

A girl whom i can't goes on with my half-hearted feeling.

A girl whom i can't give her what she truly deserve.

A girl whom i can't see a future with.

A girl whom i can't tell her i'm sorry.

A girl whom i can't even dreamt of being with.

A girl whom i can't tears apart her life obstacle to be with me.

A girl whom i can't be with her at due to different lifestyle.

A girl whom are so far apart that's almost impossible to be with.

A girl, whom i don't have faith in myself to gives her happiness.

Where can i find, my answer ?

Life, isn't fair anyway...

Seeing how i was treated, and how a stranger was treated...it really saddens me.

For someone who isn't considerably close are being concern being asked almost everything for working 10 hours once in awhile which office isn't really that far away. What about me whom work for almost half a year where i worked for 12 hours where i couldn't get enough sleep. And didn't even being cared about even when get home.

Sometimes i really wonder, does everything has to be my fault and deserved to be treated this way ? Even with thoughts that i put them more important by my own ?

Is there...any love left for me...