I have a lot of reasons.

Even if i'm willing tell.

Who would even believes those anyway.

I'd rather not being love,

than my love being rejected.

Where is the love ?

Even after 300 post, i still don't understand....what do i really get in return, for loving people with all my heart.

Maybe..i should stop looking for it.

This is Rei, and my life, is still zero.

How do i find, the right one..

A girl whom i can't goes on with my half-hearted feeling.

A girl whom i can't give her what she truly deserve.

A girl whom i can't see a future with.

A girl whom i can't tell her i'm sorry.

A girl whom i can't even dreamt of being with.

A girl whom i can't tears apart her life obstacle to be with me.

A girl whom i can't be with her at due to different lifestyle.

A girl whom are so far apart that's almost impossible to be with.

A girl, whom i don't have faith in myself to gives her happiness.

Where can i find, my answer ?

Life, isn't fair anyway...

Seeing how i was treated, and how a stranger was treated...it really saddens me.

For someone who isn't considerably close are being concern being asked almost everything for working 10 hours once in awhile which office isn't really that far away. What about me whom work for almost half a year where i worked for 12 hours where i couldn't get enough sleep. And didn't even being cared about even when get home.

Sometimes i really wonder, does everything has to be my fault and deserved to be treated this way ? Even with thoughts that i put them more important by my own ?

Is there...any love left for me...

A featherless wing.

This has gotten abit way too serious, and not a laughing stock anymore.

Seriously, how many problems do they intend to shower until now.

I guess i'll need to take one steps ahead now...i hope, i could do this, without needing to really care of what other people thinks.

It's weird that, there's no one i could really turn to...so, what are love really for anyway if that's the case. All these while, it has done nothing, except pain in the end...no matter what i do, it seems useless...

Really, what else do the world wants for me now...i can't decide anymore..

Naive ?

It's just like going up to a roller coaster, the feeling of excitement and anticipation while queuing up for it, feeling dilemma and excited at the same time while sitting inside while waiting for it to starts..excitement grows when the roller coaster going up, and the feelings starting to rush in and remixed when the roller coasters goes up and down.

For my life have been always a roller coaster, whether it's been slow or fast pace,been good or not...no matter how fun, or happy those moments are, every time before it actually started, i'll always get stuck at prologue and ended up failing even before it begins...i'm not sure what have i done wrong, nor do whether i've been cursed or not...and so it seems, the things that happens to me is always out of my control, and it'll never turn out right for me before it even begins.

I'm really getting sick of this, it's like a novel where you started writing it with all your efforts, the feelings of not being able to end it...for almost quarter of your decade is tiring...depressing, and lonely...i'm...really wanting to get out of this, i'm really tired of all these..whether it's my own life, or my love life..even though all i ask for, is just a simple lifestyle.

But, where can i go...where can i leave too...i can't just head to someone i love, i can't just do what i want or could anymore, and i really don't want to grow fear of my own future that could brings only sadness to others...

I wonder...if the future i dreamt of, is possible...even tho i dreamt of it to be as realistic as possible, it seems to be getting further..and further away.

For the first time..

Nearly forgotten it's my day, and for the very first time..i wish, my wish for myself comes true.

the only words, i wanted to hear till now..

In a room full of darkness, i held up my hand...still remembered the warmth of your hands which crossed my fingers. Within this darkness that i couldn't not rest my eyes and thought, out of no where...you had slowly appeared right infront of me again...and just when i started to think about it, you were the last person that i held my hand with.

The day, is very near...and just for just less than a month left, that i could do whatever i could do again..more like, i wanted to...for the past few years i have to held back everything that i wished for, and for all that i hope now, is that miracle will happen again..this time, if i won't hold back anymore.

Up until today, probably the only thing that i wanted to know, is that..whether have you truly loved me, as much as i love you...

I'm not sure, if i should really still miss you...

Time...still flows

When come to think of it, it's already a year since the first day i first met you. Without realizing, there's already so many thing happens around, so much that can't even be mentioned.

Now that when i think of those days, probably..i was hesitating too much..or probably she was right afterall, that i am a coward, and i gave up too easily.

For most of the time, i myself are able to realize what's gonna happen in the next few years, for the visions and future i see, it'll always turn out the worst, that i would rather give up than trying to move on that path.

When come to think of what can i do for the past 365 days, for awhile here.. i regreted, that knowing i-myself gave up even before trying...i guess it's time, for me to be myself...

死神 ?

For awhile, i have no idea what to write anymore..

Not even sure where should i start,

To continue writing about how i feel now ? Or

Should i continue writing i felt long ago that i wouldn't feel like pen-ing it down.

Hopefully, this time it wont take too long to decide which road to take.

Whatever it maybe, i think it's time to look up

and move forward towards the new sunlight again.

I wonder, if we're looking towards the same sunlight.

My words, starting to jumble up

Have no idea where to start

nor do where to end.

gone..not..

After all these month

Finally i realize i'm not that into love anymore

as much as i want to hold on these feelings

it's better for it, to just be part of memories

My hand reach for the button

and finally, i could remove all these most meaningful things to me

and at last, i could bring myself to head a step forward

Tho it's as it's gone now

but, the time that we spent

stays with my mind...even till now

and probably forever.

Meeting you, is truly one of the most wonderful happened in my life.

running, within the darkness..

After all these year
of everything that i have been working on
goes down to nothing.

To write these
i don't even know where to begin anymore
nor do where to continue
and how to restart all these

Somehow
the path seems to be sealed out
out from my very own reach.

A dark, corner..

After days and days of hibernating. Locking own self in the room of darkness..living through days after days without knowing what might happen next. Tomorrow, is not much wanting to expect anymore.

The people that i've seen, the things that i've done...and the achievement that i've met, none of them...none...that of it ever goes the way i want. The only things that happened, are those that i never wish for, but just something i hope for.

I still couldn't find the place that i could go to, nor do the love that i could hold on too...too many things, that preventing me to move on..no matter how much i skip, avoid..nor do solve them, they'll just keep coming..and coming again, i wonder..if these whole thing gonna breaks me again anytime soon...the only thing i can do now..is to hope for i could decide, on my own path again.