so this is how it feels..

so this is how it feels,

when you wait
when you hav no answer
when you left a space
when it's empty
when it's not perfect
when the stars doesn't look attractive anymore
when the day not as bright as it should be
when there's so much possibilities
when there's only sadness
when there's only dissapointment
when there's just emptiness
when nothing else matters
when nothing can be compared
when nothing is more important
when nothing can be felt
when some hope is still there
when some ppl just don't get it
when every one else doens't matter anymore
when every thing seems to be meaningless
when every food seems tasteless
when every movie isn't as nice as it is
when every moment isn't precious

feel like...totally meaningless and lifeless without you. Hope this feeling will go away with the current year.

there's no answer...

i think the biggest problem that i have right now is having to think of too many possibilities and having no answer at all. I need to put a full stop on all these, as soon as i was able to....

Crap...

Crap, i think i need to make a decision now..that it's impossible to get a happy ending.

Seriously, i really don't know when this gonna end if continue like this, tearing my own heart day after day like that...in actual fact, i really hate making myself deciding the most important thing in my life. Cause, the effect is too much for everyone around me.

Went for a movie just now, suppose to be a great movie but turn out quite boring cause not used to watch with other people than you. I can't even concentrate or laugh properly. But, i seriously do not want to admit this...cause, it's even more painful if i do...aih..what should i do now, crap..

I just realize..

It's not that big of deal anyway, it' just me....

new year eve..

New year eve is near..very near, and seems like everything doesn't goes the way i wanted to be. So many people are not free during the eve for the party, that's like 100% of the people what i want, cannot make it to the party. Well, not exactly all...but still..

So this is how it feels when you wanna spent the night with the one you love, but you can't. I really do not know what to say anymore, down on earth and mood, doesn't feel like doing anything at all, doesnt' feel like moving forward, eating or whatsoever, and feel like giving up everything now and just die. Seriously..

it shouldn't be this way

Felt worried, heartbroken...and confusing. Seriously, my tears breaking out when i keep thinking of all these. I don't even know i'm caring of a girl so much right now, i'm not sure whether it's everyone, or just her. This, is not suppose to be happening..i really do not know anymore...please help me, help her, help everyone around me. It's not easy to please everyone while you're in control of yourself, not to mentioned, now i'm not in control of my own emotion. I really wanna be there with you, but i can't. It hurts when there's so many thing you wanna do, but you can't do it. Heart tearing apart like i never felt it before.

Please, get well soon..

weird..

Sometimes you get this feeling that, once the certain person is not around, you wouldn't wanna continue do something. As of now i don't feel like doing something cause the person that i expected to be at, will not be there...why is this coming to me again, but...i guess it won't have much impact...cause, this is what friends are =)Everything goes weirded and haywire when suddenly everything doesn't follow the flow. Weird huh~

a letter to santa

Dear Santa,

Another year has come and weird enough, i only write this letter once a year where i wish for something when i didn't even take the initiative to write just to say hie other than Christmas. Pathetic huh, people only talk when they wish for something.

For Christmas this year, i do not wish for anything fancy such as bravia's, sports cars, bla bla bla...what i wished for this year is, please take away my tears, it's the only thing that preventing me from ejoying in this festive session.

Thank you Santa.
NicChan

Where sadness and depressions meets no end..

The nearer it is to any festive session, the more i felt depress over whatever that has happened recently for the past few months. Seriously continue like this i can't even hide anymore of what and whom i am.

Of all what had happened, i seriously have no feel or mood at all to celebrate any festive, Christmas, New Year...not ethusiast enough to even think of going out. Not to mention it'll reminds me of alot of thing, but i'm sure she'll be fine.

Guess what, even it's just another 3 hours ++ more to the actual christmas day, i actually wanted to sleep at home rather than going out. I guess, the best time i could cry about this is when i shower. And as always, no many people would know when i'm actually moody or sad.

I really....wanna cry out loud... =(

Best buddy ?

Up until now, i seriously do not know how to differentiate all of them, i tried so hard catergorized them so that i wont messed them up. But up until now, it's pointless if they didn't think the same way as you do.

Long before, i treated everyone the same, as good as i can be, and the best i can for all of them. No matter in what situation, they are the best mate or friends i wanna be with, either guys or girls. But since there's alot of problem treating the same for everyone, like misunderstanding and all. I started to change. Exactly, who i am in the past few year, wasn't the way i am. The real me, is the one who everyone hate, the one whom everyone loves as well, and the one whois nothing at all. Im just like someone who just walk in, and walk out for a moment in everyone's life.

2 kind of best buddy that i can see now is :

- Best buddy of all time.
In this catergory, these kind of friends are those u share ur sadness, sorrow...chat around and hit around almost everyday. Wait, did i mention yamcha and hang out also ? no matter guys or gurls, they are the best mate that u can go out with, EVEN tho their favours was unfortunately gone to u, get married or whatsoever reason that it might trigger them to hate u. But, they didn't. That's the best mate you could find. And seriously, having one of these kind of friends is more than enough. And apparently, i don't have such friends..Until now..sadly...huh..i guess that's why people felt lonely..

- Best buddy
Again, they are those whom u hang out with, ignore u when they felt like it or dissapointed with u, doesn't ask much question about whatsoever and just assuming. BUT they still hang out with u and like nothing. But deep in their heart, they are not exactly happy with u. These kind of best buddy will most of the time be with u when u need them, conditionally of course.

My Mind is clear..

Yes, i know what i've been doing, and i'm sure 99% of the people around me would wrongly assume as always, and also..you won't know anything, unless you asked. I've been asking alot of questions, but do u ?

I wonder....

Well, from my point of view, i was actually glad that we didn't got seperated because we don't love each other, rather...there's just some complication and all. But it's true that i'm not fit into any relationship at all for the moment. The path that i'm taking is still a long, blurry one.

Been spending alot of time with my deary friends. Ya, it's not that i do not think of other people's feeling, i do care okay. Just that different people got different kind of way to interpret something...it's just that i do not care what other people says.

And again, thanks for always being there for me =)

Emo ?

Haha, again...and ..again..seriously, if you're dissapointed. How do i really feel ?

I've been always wondering, how could someone who have not being in War, will tell his experience of what War is about. Sometimes, if you do not know the whole situation, please do not assume so much before even telling someone else. U think u're that smart now ? please...u're just making urself look like a fool~

Where am i again...

The year of 2008 is coming to an end. Thinking back what i did for the whole year, wait..i can't even remember exactly what happened to the whole year. I don't even know if i'm really happy or sad throughout these time. People says that im a happy go lucky guy, not afraid of anything at all, accept challenges and willing to fall. But in actual fact, i'm not really happy...at least until now...i don't like the way i am, even until now, i hate the fact that i'm known as a lovable and talkactive person. If u ask me what i really want, i can't really tell..Cause, i'm not even sure of it myself. Please, something, someone..just...remind me of who i am, even tho just a little...i really wanna know who i am...who i really were...

Titleless..

Sometimes, it's so easy to predict until it was wrongly assumed. Funny huh..

That's not true..

Trust me..i worried more things than what you people expect and think of. And of course, there won't be any childish thinking and unhappiness just because of that small matter.

Additionally, im not going after anyone..ANYONE at all at the moment. For those who think i am. Sorry to dissappoint you guys. For those who think i am, probably i do think of that.

Things that not telling out...

There's alot of thing in mind that i don't feel like telling to other people, not cause i'm shy or whatever, I JUST don't felt like it.

1. I 'love' you even more after reading those =) Don't worry my dear, i'll be one of the people who won't laugh at you during those time. No matter how also, u're one of my dear closest friend. Tho other people wouldn't care and find it doesn't make sense.

2. I know you're Emo, even tho i am..doesn't mean advantage can be taken. I will be there, tho im just someone normal.

3. I don't know what i am to you, but i won't blacklist you.

4. I care and asked so much doesn't fall any further than we're just friends.

5. Trust me, i'm not going after you.

6. And you

7. Laughing at someone's mistake is not funny, but..laughing doesn't means it's funny.

If...

If you think i'm inlove with anyone of you..then, you're wrong..

Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel
F ailure in keeping my love one always happen in my life
A nything happen is all my faultI hate to admit. But, it is...
L onglasting love will never appear to me
L ife for me is so hard, dull and meaningless
E ven the road i am walking is full of excitment
N ever ever want to think of my future to seek for another love

A nticipation for my love one to come back to me?
N ever will happen to me
G ive or Take?
E ternity love?.....Can you believe that?
L ove...i hope it's still exist..

Decided..

Today, i have decided...

One of the Phobia~

Been making alot of enemies on alot of things i've done, what i've said, performed, and especially when in games.

I still remember the first game i play, Ez2Dancer, i made alot of enemy by outperformed them BY alot, imagine playing a hard song that ppl can't even pass, i can perfect it with hidden mode. Especially during that time there's alot of guy who think they are the best, but beaten up by me..in game. How ironic when i never intend to show off or anything, but..people just don't get it. Same thing happen to PopNMusic, RockFever, Ez2DJ, KingOfFighter, TimeCrisis, ParaPara (-_- damn), the Machine to Win Toy (Ya, i get 2 HUGE toy for RM1 only last time), and certain marvel games. Because of all these, i only target to have fun more than to be the best.

The same things happen continuesly till RO time, O2Jam, ESPECIALLY MapleStory (Where i argued with Singaporeans all the day just because they think i hack, and i quit cause i can't stand them), continuing to Various Online game until now (Cabal, which is the last).

Because of all these, i've began to afraid, and start to avoid playing multiplayer with other people. I really don't know why, cause..i just wanna have fun..and no other meaning. Please forgive me if i offended anyway of u guys, cause..i really don't mean it.