It's already 12:52am here, and i still cant fall asleep. Well, in a way it's a good news, cause this time, i'm not staying awake because i'm depress, or sad; but with the feeling of happiness, and joy. ^^ This might be short, but i'm sure...i'll remember what i did today, just by reading this short post.
Keywords : Sleepless night, stationary, cute, mangkin, mangan, cheese baked pasta, anime, porn, dear boys, webcam, bouncey hair, pretty eyes/legs/face/nose/hand/arm/hair/lips etc etc, gmail chatbox, and the lovely <3.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
The sacrifices < II >
I just came across this gurl that tell me this meaningful line "If he's the guy that i like, i wont make him jealous because of what i did." This little line suprise me, that how much a person would give up just for a person that she like. It's hard, to stop making others to jealous, especially when the ratio is 1 : infinite, when there's only a person that you like, and the infinite person that you always think before you act. It's tough, but..everyone is doing it. I do wonder that how many people would actually does all that just to be with a person they like, how willing one's is to give up the whole forest, just to stay with a tree that they like. I don't know much person of that in my life, but at least, i found one or 2 who suprise me with their thoughts. Whom willing to put the one they like in the first place, while neglecting others. Of course, those who's been neglected might hate them. And that's why i said, how many true friends that you'll made in a life time ? that they'll actually understand your feelings ? and hear you voice until the end of time ? I'm not making sense here, but...who wouldn't want to be treated special by someone they like, only to themself ?
Missing, a piece of puzzle..
There's one day, something went in the small valley of my 7 and 8 button on the keyboad, and so i tried took the 7 button off to clean it. But it went *tak* ! and the button flew into the sky, and drop on the floor. That one button,that i lost in a single moment...took me almost half an hour to find, even tho it's just around me. Bleh...i can't believe during the time i lose that button, would effect so much. And so, i realize how important the 7 button on my keyboard is.
The saddest button that i'd lost, is still the ̃̃̃~ button. This little tilde buttons, took away almost 90% of my emotions in my online life, yes. Cause, most of my emotiocons started with this tilde buttons, which located just next to your 1, and above the TAB button. Suprisingly, this little button synchronize with my mood at the same time..the time, where i lost my own happiness. I still remember the first time i use this symbol, is during mirc, which i use ~_~ as to express...er...actually, it has no meaning at all...but little by little, it follows up at the end of my chat, just to show that i'm trying to drag what i'm trying to say, after losing this button. I'll list down the thing that i found out i cant do without it:
I'd lost almost everything, people would say if you lost something, you'll gain something equally price, and i'm sure those who watch Full Metal Alchemist might understand this term easily. Well, if i counted the thing i'd lost, it's much more painful to think what i'd gained. Even though i regreted it, but by regreting will never be enough.
Things that i'd lost, was replace by someone else. Even tho i was told that i'm important, but somehow...i was sharing this very same line with someone else, maybe i'm just thinking too much. But as everyone knows, what's happening around us, actions..will often take over our own thoughts. So in the end, faith..isn't the only thing important in our life, to keep our love one to ourself.
I can't tell how much it hurts, by hearing others saying rumours about me being with other gurls. But, i can tell how much it hurts, when i see her with another guy, doing things that what lover does. I can tell, how helpless i am, when i see her doing things with him, that i wanna do with you. I can tell, how much i hated it, when she tell me you got mad at him, but still forgive him all the time. I can tell how much it hurts, for losing something, and being replaced by something else...and of course i can tell..how painful it is, when one's hanging in the middle of the rope, that you cant climb, or fall, but only waiting for people to pull you up, or cut the rope. And that's how cruel faith it is, when you leave your happiness to others. It's a nostalgic, yet saddening experience..that no one wished for.
Yeah, i understand very well..the fault i'm at last time, i know...what i'd done..but i could never understand your feelings when i do the wrong thing during that time. But for me, whom already has given up my own happiness. I guess, for someone like me who regretted, at guilt...are much more suited in these kind of life, lost..and hanging...it's sad, to know what you really wants to do, think...i cant tell when my tears will stop, and heart stop aching whenever i think about it. But, i still can tell, how much it meant, just to be by your side. Tho it might be ridiculous stupid to suffer all these pain, but i still can't give up to look at the smile of yours, which keep me moving on, until today.
The saddest button that i'd lost, is still the ̃̃̃~ button. This little tilde buttons, took away almost 90% of my emotions in my online life, yes. Cause, most of my emotiocons started with this tilde buttons, which located just next to your 1, and above the TAB button. Suprisingly, this little button synchronize with my mood at the same time..the time, where i lost my own happiness. I still remember the first time i use this symbol, is during mirc, which i use ~_~ as to express...er...actually, it has no meaning at all...but little by little, it follows up at the end of my chat, just to show that i'm trying to drag what i'm trying to say, after losing this button. I'll list down the thing that i found out i cant do without it:
- Hi there~
- haha~
- no~~~~
- sobz~
- yay~
- whee~~
- *~"nickname"~*
- ~_~
- heh~
- oh~
- ~>.<~
- dengz~
- omG !~
- lol~
- ~ is commonly used in games, especially Warcraft
- ~ commonly used in the beginning of my emoticons too (e.g: ~lol = emoticons)
- cant think anymore, as it'll depress me even more..
I'd lost almost everything, people would say if you lost something, you'll gain something equally price, and i'm sure those who watch Full Metal Alchemist might understand this term easily. Well, if i counted the thing i'd lost, it's much more painful to think what i'd gained. Even though i regreted it, but by regreting will never be enough.
Things that i'd lost, was replace by someone else. Even tho i was told that i'm important, but somehow...i was sharing this very same line with someone else, maybe i'm just thinking too much. But as everyone knows, what's happening around us, actions..will often take over our own thoughts. So in the end, faith..isn't the only thing important in our life, to keep our love one to ourself.
I can't tell how much it hurts, by hearing others saying rumours about me being with other gurls. But, i can tell how much it hurts, when i see her with another guy, doing things that what lover does. I can tell, how helpless i am, when i see her doing things with him, that i wanna do with you. I can tell, how much i hated it, when she tell me you got mad at him, but still forgive him all the time. I can tell how much it hurts, for losing something, and being replaced by something else...and of course i can tell..how painful it is, when one's hanging in the middle of the rope, that you cant climb, or fall, but only waiting for people to pull you up, or cut the rope. And that's how cruel faith it is, when you leave your happiness to others. It's a nostalgic, yet saddening experience..that no one wished for.
Yeah, i understand very well..the fault i'm at last time, i know...what i'd done..but i could never understand your feelings when i do the wrong thing during that time. But for me, whom already has given up my own happiness. I guess, for someone like me who regretted, at guilt...are much more suited in these kind of life, lost..and hanging...it's sad, to know what you really wants to do, think...i cant tell when my tears will stop, and heart stop aching whenever i think about it. But, i still can tell, how much it meant, just to be by your side. Tho it might be ridiculous stupid to suffer all these pain, but i still can't give up to look at the smile of yours, which keep me moving on, until today.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
What's important ?< II >
It's 5:08 am for our time, well...as i'm sitting behind this monitor, looking at your innocent sleeping face. And at that moment, i thought to myself; it's something that can wipe away all my fears, worries, stress and un-necessary unconfortable feelings around me. A look, that will ease my soul, here...i'd decided that i would protect this little feelings of mine, just to watch you asleep, before i do. =)
Friday, February 24, 2006
Places, full of memories....
Went out to Midvalley around 7ish, and received a problematic calls about laptop bags from her. And so, i hurry with the photo printing at 2nd floor near jusco, and run all the way to LG, burgerking there to get the grapeCandies, and dash to my car which i park near the photo printing shop...exhausted..well, it was 715+/- that time, went to her house and take the laptop bagz, and from there on, first time urge to speed all the way to KLIA.
KLIA, a place where i hate, yet love to go..zzz...along the NPE way, and summit way still okay..but right after i reach kesas, that stupid rain start to pour, and it was a heavy one = = My sight is totally blured out if i drive more than 80km/h, and i only got like, 1 hour ? At first, i thought i couldn't make it...holding up my tears, i never give up...there's partly of the way which it isn't raining, and so..i speed 150km/h at that time, and slowed down when it's the downpour area.
Took me one freaking blardy hour to get there, blocked by peoples on escalators, blocked shortcut passage in midvalley, getting stuck behind some slownub driver, nearly gotten into accident for speeding + smsing + overtaking cars + making calls in da rain, step on accelator and brakes without hesitating, parked at parking lots where it says construction in progress at KLIA, running all the way to mcD from parking lot, tired, leg worn out, stressed, but..The feelings of seeing her for the last 5 minute before she left, is nothing compared to what i've been through for the day, this is how much your mean in my life.
And after seeing you checking in the ....[Fastforward] And so, i drive home, thinking no one but only you. Sad, but glad...cause because of you, i learn how to love a person...and once again, thanks..for letting me loving you. And so, the whole 1 hour journey back to subang, wishing you a safe trip, and asking myself to be strong...in this 4 month.
KLIA, a place where i hate, yet love to go..zzz...along the NPE way, and summit way still okay..but right after i reach kesas, that stupid rain start to pour, and it was a heavy one = = My sight is totally blured out if i drive more than 80km/h, and i only got like, 1 hour ? At first, i thought i couldn't make it...holding up my tears, i never give up...there's partly of the way which it isn't raining, and so..i speed 150km/h at that time, and slowed down when it's the downpour area.
And after seeing you checking in the ....[Fastforward] And so, i drive home, thinking no one but only you. Sad, but glad...cause because of you, i learn how to love a person...and once again, thanks..for letting me loving you. And so, the whole 1 hour journey back to subang, wishing you a safe trip, and asking myself to be strong...in this 4 month.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Give, or take ?
God, love everyone..he would sacrifice everything for everyone..and peoples, love god...even tho he never really showed himself how truthful his love is..but faith, and believe..always let people think that god love them.
But compare to people here..no matter how much you love a person...if he isn't meant for you, mean..he's not...sometimes, no matter how hard we try, obstacles will always be there to pull us down. The only thing that can keep things moving is faith sometimes.But, for a god who never do anything to build up faith can gain so much love from others, but...a people who did so much, the love can be break just in a matter of second..how true, is that fact..
It's very hard to treat 2 person nice actually...as in, kind, normal kind. People might think one person is good to everyone, but when give thoughts...when that person really treat someone nicer...others, will sure get jealous..but what if he whom treats 2 person/more the same level ? does that mean more people would hurt just because he just wanna show his kindness to everyone around him ? But, why would they hate it when it's a person who do it, but not the all almighty god around the world that people believe in, and again..that they never see him before..
Sometimes, people still need to sacrifice no matter what you do..being a devil might be easy, but being kind..aint easy at all...no matter how kind a person is, there's still people hurt by it...love is cruel, kindness hurts, faithful breaks, and sadness repeats...why is people born this way anyway, when all of them call themself a human being.
But compare to people here..no matter how much you love a person...if he isn't meant for you, mean..he's not...sometimes, no matter how hard we try, obstacles will always be there to pull us down. The only thing that can keep things moving is faith sometimes.But, for a god who never do anything to build up faith can gain so much love from others, but...a people who did so much, the love can be break just in a matter of second..how true, is that fact..
It's very hard to treat 2 person nice actually...as in, kind, normal kind. People might think one person is good to everyone, but when give thoughts...when that person really treat someone nicer...others, will sure get jealous..but what if he whom treats 2 person/more the same level ? does that mean more people would hurt just because he just wanna show his kindness to everyone around him ? But, why would they hate it when it's a person who do it, but not the all almighty god around the world that people believe in, and again..that they never see him before..
Sometimes, people still need to sacrifice no matter what you do..being a devil might be easy, but being kind..aint easy at all...no matter how kind a person is, there's still people hurt by it...love is cruel, kindness hurts, faithful breaks, and sadness repeats...why is people born this way anyway, when all of them call themself a human being.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
The sacrifices...
"You must sacrifice something, to gain something equivalantly." I never believe in those word in the way of life, at least...not now. In this world which is full of confusion, hatress, and love. Sometimes, we don't get what we want when we sacrifice something.
For the star that i'm trying to reach this few years, from what i'd realize...sacrifice is always needed when one's are persuing their own dreams, and desire. This star of mine that i'm chasing; just to being with her, i can put alot of things aside; and just to being not part with her, i can do anything for that. I guess, everyone does that when they really want to be with someone...the only problem is just how long it'll last.
I cant predict the future, i cant prove that i'll be loving this gurls till the end of the day, with words, or with chrono orb, the only thing that can proof is, time. Well, it sounds like a gamble. At the other side, she would had gambled with her time to see whether i'm being truthful or not...at my place, i have to sacrifice, just to proof it to her.
To the girl i love, even tho there's another girl that might suite me better, likes me/love me. You'll still be the one, and the only one..dont ask me why, maybe...because of you, whom makes my life more meaningful, cheerful, and lively till other people can feel it from me, that might explain why i'm attracting girls around me, it's because you exist within me. ^^
For the star that i'm trying to reach this few years, from what i'd realize...sacrifice is always needed when one's are persuing their own dreams, and desire. This star of mine that i'm chasing; just to being with her, i can put alot of things aside; and just to being not part with her, i can do anything for that. I guess, everyone does that when they really want to be with someone...the only problem is just how long it'll last.
I cant predict the future, i cant prove that i'll be loving this gurls till the end of the day, with words, or with chrono orb, the only thing that can proof is, time. Well, it sounds like a gamble. At the other side, she would had gambled with her time to see whether i'm being truthful or not...at my place, i have to sacrifice, just to proof it to her.
To the girl i love, even tho there's another girl that might suite me better, likes me/love me. You'll still be the one, and the only one..dont ask me why, maybe...because of you, whom makes my life more meaningful, cheerful, and lively till other people can feel it from me, that might explain why i'm attracting girls around me, it's because you exist within me. ^^
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
What's, important ?
Once upon a time, there's this college...where the time passes slowly, people living normal college lifes, and everything is so normal..until the long awaited pr0m night is near, it's when everyone starts to get excited.
So there was this story..where a guy invited a gurl that he admire..since month ago, to this lovely pr0m night that everyone expecting; cause, it's the night, where everyone gets a date, dress up nicely that you wont do in colleges, going out..and, it's the day where you show your unique features, fashion, attitude, or maybe the time you might cherish the most in your life time. And of course, this charming long haired lovely girl..accepted the date to the prom night, even there's still 3 months time till the night. It sounds so easily, of course it's because the gurl, like the guy to.
And so, this guy was very happy about it, well..who would not. He get excited even more, thinking of what to dress up on that day; Someone like him, who never care about his appearence, hair...dressing. For the very first time in this guy's life, he went in the tailor shop..seeking for advices on coats that might look good on him, for this perfect date, for that sake, he learn about the formalities dresscode, that he never imagine he would learn. Not only that, he even went to the saloon..seeking for the best hairstyle, 3 month before the night. So that he would had the greatest appearence during his date, and impress the gurl. 2 months before the night, he even learn the polite way to talk, just to show that, he's very thankful for the gurl to accept his date. In short, he change his ownself completely, and trying to impress as much as he could..just for one night, which might change his entire life.
As for the gurl that likes him, of course she was doing the same thing...the dress she went to alter so many times, worried that it might not match her date, making up over and over again just to find the best look on her on that day, going through hair catalogs just for that day. All, is done..in 3 months before the date.
And so....one day before the prom night, this guy, was looking at his very own black coat...and dreaming about the day, where he might be able to show the best out from him, and confess to her, his own feelings. He stayed up whole night, just to think of words to talk to her, tomorrow.
On that day during the pr0m night...where he wore his neatly done coat, tied up his tie....comb his hair nicely, and driving his 'just-washed' car, excitingly, and smiling all the way to the gurls house.
As he reach the bus-station that she's waiting for him..crowds were all around it, which makes him wonder what's wrong. As he waits for seconds, for no reason..he start to panic...naturally...he open the door, went down the car...and run towards the crowded scene. He move beside the crowds..looking for the gurl..but she wasn't therelwondering if she's still preparing for the night. Without 2nd thoughts, he dig through his way through the crowds, trying to get a clear sight of what's going on inside. And, his heart skip a few beat, couldn't believe himself, while tears rush out from his eye. He saw the gurl, with blood all over her...was carried into the ambulance, and the gurl..was the one that she wanted to pick up..couldn't believe, was too shock to accept what had happened and what he sees...but, whispers around him wouldn't stop haunting him, "She was waiting for someone, maybe she's going for a date", and some other guys, "How pitiful she is..must be waiting for someone to pick him up"...it just keep spinning all over him...without 2nd thoughts..he rushed back to his car..and followed the ambulance.
And as for this girl. She'll be lying in her bed...sleeping, eternaly..not like fairy tales when she'll wake up with a prince kiss..but, it's unpredictable when she'll wake up. Her time, has stop since then. Years....after years...people might think, the guy should move on..and people might think, he should take care of her, even tho they can't give an answer when she'll waking up. The guy, has a tough decision to make, which once again..might change his life..
Sometimes...things happen different from what we think or expect;
Sometimes, it becomes even greater..but sometimes, it become worse;
Sometimes we might be lost at a certain situation,;
at this rate, We can do nothing about it, but to believe what we believe in at the time..and continue to move on with that believes. And when the day comes, when we realize our mistakes...we cry, regret...and eventually, we learn...and we move on, embedded with the feelings at the past.
What this couple had really hope, is just to go out for a date, for the prom night. But, what will happen if this gurl, wake up after 3 years, and realize she slept for that long...while, knowing the guy already had someone else..you never know how it feels, and i, so do everyone...definately wouldn't want to know how it feels. I guess, people should always think, what is important once in awhile..cause, it's important.
And until now, no matter what happen..if this gurl is the one that i love, i would wait for her..till she wake up..staying by her side...even tho people might say my time had stop..but, who was actually talking on behalf of her ? who was actually...thinking of best for her...even tho, i might be only one, even tho i might be wrong..but i'll never leave her alone, as long as i'm still around. That's, how important someone i love to me.
So there was this story..where a guy invited a gurl that he admire..since month ago, to this lovely pr0m night that everyone expecting; cause, it's the night, where everyone gets a date, dress up nicely that you wont do in colleges, going out..and, it's the day where you show your unique features, fashion, attitude, or maybe the time you might cherish the most in your life time. And of course, this charming long haired lovely girl..accepted the date to the prom night, even there's still 3 months time till the night. It sounds so easily, of course it's because the gurl, like the guy to.
And so, this guy was very happy about it, well..who would not. He get excited even more, thinking of what to dress up on that day; Someone like him, who never care about his appearence, hair...dressing. For the very first time in this guy's life, he went in the tailor shop..seeking for advices on coats that might look good on him, for this perfect date, for that sake, he learn about the formalities dresscode, that he never imagine he would learn. Not only that, he even went to the saloon..seeking for the best hairstyle, 3 month before the night. So that he would had the greatest appearence during his date, and impress the gurl. 2 months before the night, he even learn the polite way to talk, just to show that, he's very thankful for the gurl to accept his date. In short, he change his ownself completely, and trying to impress as much as he could..just for one night, which might change his entire life.
As for the gurl that likes him, of course she was doing the same thing...the dress she went to alter so many times, worried that it might not match her date, making up over and over again just to find the best look on her on that day, going through hair catalogs just for that day. All, is done..in 3 months before the date.
And so....one day before the prom night, this guy, was looking at his very own black coat...and dreaming about the day, where he might be able to show the best out from him, and confess to her, his own feelings. He stayed up whole night, just to think of words to talk to her, tomorrow.
On that day during the pr0m night...where he wore his neatly done coat, tied up his tie....comb his hair nicely, and driving his 'just-washed' car, excitingly, and smiling all the way to the gurls house.
As he reach the bus-station that she's waiting for him..crowds were all around it, which makes him wonder what's wrong. As he waits for seconds, for no reason..he start to panic...naturally...he open the door, went down the car...and run towards the crowded scene. He move beside the crowds..looking for the gurl..but she wasn't therelwondering if she's still preparing for the night. Without 2nd thoughts, he dig through his way through the crowds, trying to get a clear sight of what's going on inside. And, his heart skip a few beat, couldn't believe himself, while tears rush out from his eye. He saw the gurl, with blood all over her...was carried into the ambulance, and the gurl..was the one that she wanted to pick up..couldn't believe, was too shock to accept what had happened and what he sees...but, whispers around him wouldn't stop haunting him, "She was waiting for someone, maybe she's going for a date", and some other guys, "How pitiful she is..must be waiting for someone to pick him up"...it just keep spinning all over him...without 2nd thoughts..he rushed back to his car..and followed the ambulance.
And as for this girl. She'll be lying in her bed...sleeping, eternaly..not like fairy tales when she'll wake up with a prince kiss..but, it's unpredictable when she'll wake up. Her time, has stop since then. Years....after years...people might think, the guy should move on..and people might think, he should take care of her, even tho they can't give an answer when she'll waking up. The guy, has a tough decision to make, which once again..might change his life..
Sometimes...things happen different from what we think or expect;
Sometimes, it becomes even greater..but sometimes, it become worse;
Sometimes we might be lost at a certain situation,;
at this rate, We can do nothing about it, but to believe what we believe in at the time..and continue to move on with that believes. And when the day comes, when we realize our mistakes...we cry, regret...and eventually, we learn...and we move on, embedded with the feelings at the past.
What this couple had really hope, is just to go out for a date, for the prom night. But, what will happen if this gurl, wake up after 3 years, and realize she slept for that long...while, knowing the guy already had someone else..you never know how it feels, and i, so do everyone...definately wouldn't want to know how it feels. I guess, people should always think, what is important once in awhile..cause, it's important.
And until now, no matter what happen..if this gurl is the one that i love, i would wait for her..till she wake up..staying by her side...even tho people might say my time had stop..but, who was actually talking on behalf of her ? who was actually...thinking of best for her...even tho, i might be only one, even tho i might be wrong..but i'll never leave her alone, as long as i'm still around. That's, how important someone i love to me.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Fallen Angel
F ailure in keeping my love one always happen in my life
A nything happen is all my fault
I hate to admit. But, it is...
L onglasting love will never appear to me
L ife for me is so hard, dull and meaningless
E ven the road i am walking is full of excitment
N ever ever want to think of my future to seek for another love
A nticipation for my love one to come back to me?
N ever will happen to me
G ive or Take?
E ternity love?.....Can you believe that?
L ove...i hope it's still exist..
It's the 2nd time i post this up..1st one was from msn spaces. These short phrases is getting...real.
A nything happen is all my fault
I hate to admit. But, it is...
L onglasting love will never appear to me
L ife for me is so hard, dull and meaningless
E ven the road i am walking is full of excitment
N ever ever want to think of my future to seek for another love
A nticipation for my love one to come back to me?
N ever will happen to me
G ive or Take?
E ternity love?.....Can you believe that?
L ove...i hope it's still exist..
It's the 2nd time i post this up..1st one was from msn spaces. These short phrases is getting...real.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Patience ? Determination ? or Commitment ?
The story:
"A married couple;a working husband;a typical housewife. Living happily together, tho their daily routine would be the same everyday. Everymorning, they might have breakfast before the husband goes to work. The next time they both see eachother would be, the night..when the husband came back from work. And so, they had dinner, spend the rest of the time..till the next morning. And this might last through few years..10, 20..or maybe 30+ years."
What amaze me was, being apart for so many hours almost everyday, and still be able to last till so many years. Easy as it sound..but you never know how the wife/husband feel each minute passes everyday, not to mention when it's hours, last for years. Love can be so strong, till they'll endure those feelings..just to see their love one during night, and parted early in the morning.
I think, nowadays i get to feel how is it like, waiting for hours, just to see her online.
"Back to the story, But..what if, one day....the wife found out that the husband..has been seeing another gurl between their parting time. I wonder, how would the wife feels. Same thing goes to the guys, who found out the wife, seeing another guy when he's out."
Those feelings..might reflect on how i felt, the difference is; i'm not married..and, i'm living on..with that feelings with me. Sometimes i really wonder, how does one differentiate between fair..or not fair.
"And so, the stories goes on. If that married couple really care and love each other, if they still remmeber their commitment..they might just dump the person they seeing, for the sake of their current love ones. But, what if one's decided to follow another person ? "
They might think: He/she might step down the stage, and continue letting it be..since..maybe the person they going out with now, more capable than themself, where...they just wish nothing for happiness. Well, this is one kind of love that all of us dream of, but..never wish for.
And another choice, they might goes in a big fight, where 2 possibilites result might occur..they get back together..but they might not be as bond to each other as before. And another result..simply put..they divorce.
People might think, if love is so easily being shaken of, then what is the real love ? If you ask a kid what is love, you might get the answer, "I love my daddy, that is love". Well, if you ask a teen about it, they might say "I love him/her cause i cant live without him/her". And if you ask an adult, you might get an answer like "Love is someone you care of most, i love them simply because i want them to be happy".
It's just a not very constructive teory i'd said there, but..what if, you found someone you cant live without with, gazing out the window just thinking of them everynight, and simply wants them get their own happiness ?
Back to the story..alright..if one of them let go their love one, just thinking of their happiness..then what happen to the person who let go ? The answer for their love is to see their love one happy, being together with other person ?
I often thought, happiness, always coup with sadness..at first, i never really wanna believe that..but now..zzz
Sometimes people often wonder, what is fair...cause..for what i've seen through this years, alone..observing people..nothing, is always fair. I guess, that's how people live on. Does that means people have to live on with that saddening facts ?
With so much confusing feelings within me...i guess, no one can help it. Life, might be not fair..but, people can TRY to be fair..i wanted to be fair, not to myself..but at least to the people around me..that would be enough for me.
Well, it might be just because of time..that wouldn't let me forget all these feelings now; i guess i'll accept it, as my sin.
"A married couple;a working husband;a typical housewife. Living happily together, tho their daily routine would be the same everyday. Everymorning, they might have breakfast before the husband goes to work. The next time they both see eachother would be, the night..when the husband came back from work. And so, they had dinner, spend the rest of the time..till the next morning. And this might last through few years..10, 20..or maybe 30+ years."
What amaze me was, being apart for so many hours almost everyday, and still be able to last till so many years. Easy as it sound..but you never know how the wife/husband feel each minute passes everyday, not to mention when it's hours, last for years. Love can be so strong, till they'll endure those feelings..just to see their love one during night, and parted early in the morning.
I think, nowadays i get to feel how is it like, waiting for hours, just to see her online.
"Back to the story, But..what if, one day....the wife found out that the husband..has been seeing another gurl between their parting time. I wonder, how would the wife feels. Same thing goes to the guys, who found out the wife, seeing another guy when he's out."
Those feelings..might reflect on how i felt, the difference is; i'm not married..and, i'm living on..with that feelings with me. Sometimes i really wonder, how does one differentiate between fair..or not fair.
"And so, the stories goes on. If that married couple really care and love each other, if they still remmeber their commitment..they might just dump the person they seeing, for the sake of their current love ones. But, what if one's decided to follow another person ? "
They might think: He/she might step down the stage, and continue letting it be..since..maybe the person they going out with now, more capable than themself, where...they just wish nothing for happiness. Well, this is one kind of love that all of us dream of, but..never wish for.
And another choice, they might goes in a big fight, where 2 possibilites result might occur..they get back together..but they might not be as bond to each other as before. And another result..simply put..they divorce.
People might think, if love is so easily being shaken of, then what is the real love ? If you ask a kid what is love, you might get the answer, "I love my daddy, that is love". Well, if you ask a teen about it, they might say "I love him/her cause i cant live without him/her". And if you ask an adult, you might get an answer like "Love is someone you care of most, i love them simply because i want them to be happy".
It's just a not very constructive teory i'd said there, but..what if, you found someone you cant live without with, gazing out the window just thinking of them everynight, and simply wants them get their own happiness ?
Back to the story..alright..if one of them let go their love one, just thinking of their happiness..then what happen to the person who let go ? The answer for their love is to see their love one happy, being together with other person ?
I often thought, happiness, always coup with sadness..at first, i never really wanna believe that..but now..zzz
Sometimes people often wonder, what is fair...cause..for what i've seen through this years, alone..observing people..nothing, is always fair. I guess, that's how people live on. Does that means people have to live on with that saddening facts ?
With so much confusing feelings within me...i guess, no one can help it. Life, might be not fair..but, people can TRY to be fair..i wanted to be fair, not to myself..but at least to the people around me..that would be enough for me.
Well, it might be just because of time..that wouldn't let me forget all these feelings now; i guess i'll accept it, as my sin.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Dreaming of you...
It's 3:19am here, and i'm still wide awake. Thinking of what happen hours ago.
Just to see you online, i had waited patienly infront of comp for hours. Worth it ? Yes. I get to chat with you, see you through webcam...and there we are, chatting like nothing had change, as if tomorrow never comes. Even tho it's just online, msn..talking with words, and tho we are only connected through the lines, but somehow, i can always feel you there...as if i can touch you, embrace you..and heard your voice. The most wonderful thing here is, i had forgotten how hard it is before you online, it's like..those time never exist, more like..your existence buried all those hard time i've been through, and once again..i'm glad i knew you.
And now, here i am...thinking of nothing, except you. I wonder if it only last only this few days. But, what my heart telling me now is..it's a feelings, that i'll keep inside my heart..forever. ^^
Just to see you online, i had waited patienly infront of comp for hours. Worth it ? Yes. I get to chat with you, see you through webcam...and there we are, chatting like nothing had change, as if tomorrow never comes. Even tho it's just online, msn..talking with words, and tho we are only connected through the lines, but somehow, i can always feel you there...as if i can touch you, embrace you..and heard your voice. The most wonderful thing here is, i had forgotten how hard it is before you online, it's like..those time never exist, more like..your existence buried all those hard time i've been through, and once again..i'm glad i knew you.
And now, here i am...thinking of nothing, except you. I wonder if it only last only this few days. But, what my heart telling me now is..it's a feelings, that i'll keep inside my heart..forever. ^^
Friday, February 10, 2006
Love ?
There's so many website laying around explaining what is love all about. But, why is this lovely 4 character word can be so hard to understand, so hard to feel it when it comes to reality.
It aint something that people can explain just using a dictionary..or maybe, we'll understand a little if someone sharing their love life. But how many of us actually knows what it means ? And react to it ?
During those times, i always stand up and help my friends solving their relation problems. It's not like i'm pro or very good at all those, neither i have any love life experience. But still, my logical advices always helps, sometimes even tho it's just a little,well...better than nothing. =)
Point is, when it comes to the person who actually facing those problems, it's harder to deal with, alot more harder than expected. It's easy to say than to be done. Tho i already know what to do, no matter how i execute those idea, i'll still in confuse status;it's like trying to use the ladder to climb up from the deep little well that i fell in..but doubt the ladder, that it might break off halfway, or maybe i just don't have the strenght to do it.
I don't know what others think about love and relationship, some will just wanna hold hands, some wanna boast about their bf/gf aka show offy, some go for for good looking just to impress their friends, some just wanna hugz, taking advantages and such. Looking at those people really makes me sick, but at the same time, i could care less, cause it's not my life. If they're willing to do it, why not?
All of my life, i've been only looking for someone who can fill up the pieces within me, yeah..someone who can be apart of me, just one person would be enough..and i could love them the rest of my life. I know, eternal love never exist, people change, feelings fade..people get married, they got divorce, there's even married couple that married for a life time, but still couldn't understand each other..and i would say, they found the wrong one.
But, in my situation...everything that we do..it's too alike that until i myself afraid sometimes, how can there be someone who have such an identical personality when they're not even twins. Well, i guess anyone could be shock if someone says out your words even before you wanna open your mouth. It's good..and in another way, it's bad..
Love is what makes you smile when you're tired - Well yeah, no matter how tired, sleepy, or sick you are..if you're love one appear infront of you at anytime, your mind, and heart will feel at ease..and without knowing it, you'll actually forgot that you're tired.
People shouldnt' really say "I love you" unless they really mean it. But if they really mean it..they should say it alot..cause people tend to forget easily. But saying it without getting a reply isn't good either. Maybe, it's better to become pets, cause owner loves their pets more than human beings.
It aint something that people can explain just using a dictionary..or maybe, we'll understand a little if someone sharing their love life. But how many of us actually knows what it means ? And react to it ?
During those times, i always stand up and help my friends solving their relation problems. It's not like i'm pro or very good at all those, neither i have any love life experience. But still, my logical advices always helps, sometimes even tho it's just a little,well...better than nothing. =)
Point is, when it comes to the person who actually facing those problems, it's harder to deal with, alot more harder than expected. It's easy to say than to be done. Tho i already know what to do, no matter how i execute those idea, i'll still in confuse status;it's like trying to use the ladder to climb up from the deep little well that i fell in..but doubt the ladder, that it might break off halfway, or maybe i just don't have the strenght to do it.
I don't know what others think about love and relationship, some will just wanna hold hands, some wanna boast about their bf/gf aka show offy, some go for for good looking just to impress their friends, some just wanna hugz, taking advantages and such. Looking at those people really makes me sick, but at the same time, i could care less, cause it's not my life. If they're willing to do it, why not?
All of my life, i've been only looking for someone who can fill up the pieces within me, yeah..someone who can be apart of me, just one person would be enough..and i could love them the rest of my life. I know, eternal love never exist, people change, feelings fade..people get married, they got divorce, there's even married couple that married for a life time, but still couldn't understand each other..and i would say, they found the wrong one.
But, in my situation...everything that we do..it's too alike that until i myself afraid sometimes, how can there be someone who have such an identical personality when they're not even twins. Well, i guess anyone could be shock if someone says out your words even before you wanna open your mouth. It's good..and in another way, it's bad..
Love is what makes you smile when you're tired - Well yeah, no matter how tired, sleepy, or sick you are..if you're love one appear infront of you at anytime, your mind, and heart will feel at ease..and without knowing it, you'll actually forgot that you're tired.
People shouldnt' really say "I love you" unless they really mean it. But if they really mean it..they should say it alot..cause people tend to forget easily. But saying it without getting a reply isn't good either. Maybe, it's better to become pets, cause owner loves their pets more than human beings.
So many things to do, so little time..
Girls are like stars...there are millions of them, but only one that can really move your heart. Well, sort of like dream comes true, but i would say; it's someone that complete your soul.
Everyone born missing something, it's just like a puzzle set that were missing a piece, with this little red light, people have to decide. The decision we make is very important; 1, we give up and let it be..regret for not taking it care well, or blame luck for it. or 2, we desperately looking for the missing pieces, day after day...and till the day we give up, or never give up. Even tho we found the pieces, it might not fit in, or it's too loose.
It reflects so much on ourself, even tho that we're constantly looking for mates, another half of us that we decided to live on with. The commitment we made to ourself, it breaches so easily; Well, i guess that just normal for people, human being like us. And thus, we call that mistakes, and regrets comes next.
To forgive ? or not to forgive ourself. Is rather hard. If someone aint serious about their own decision, then..regretting aint something hard to overcome, it might just goes off after days. But, for someone who made a decision as if it's a decision of life and death, those mistakes that they made, and the regrets they carry on...will eventually haunt them forever. I cant prove that statement is completely true..just that, people might not understand. Feelings aint like ABC, we might be able to communicate with each other if we learn the one language. But, to learn each's others feelings, we have to go to them and know them ourself, cause...everyone is different.
Words, are often heard...but feelings, aren't often feels. It might be emberassing at first, but..if you never tell someone how you feel about them, it'll be unfair for them. At least, people would know their reasons of existence...and what they'd done when they're alive, and so here i am...wiped away emberassed this word away from myself, and doing things solely from the heart, not with words.
Everyone born missing something, it's just like a puzzle set that were missing a piece, with this little red light, people have to decide. The decision we make is very important; 1, we give up and let it be..regret for not taking it care well, or blame luck for it. or 2, we desperately looking for the missing pieces, day after day...and till the day we give up, or never give up. Even tho we found the pieces, it might not fit in, or it's too loose.
It reflects so much on ourself, even tho that we're constantly looking for mates, another half of us that we decided to live on with. The commitment we made to ourself, it breaches so easily; Well, i guess that just normal for people, human being like us. And thus, we call that mistakes, and regrets comes next.
To forgive ? or not to forgive ourself. Is rather hard. If someone aint serious about their own decision, then..regretting aint something hard to overcome, it might just goes off after days. But, for someone who made a decision as if it's a decision of life and death, those mistakes that they made, and the regrets they carry on...will eventually haunt them forever. I cant prove that statement is completely true..just that, people might not understand. Feelings aint like ABC, we might be able to communicate with each other if we learn the one language. But, to learn each's others feelings, we have to go to them and know them ourself, cause...everyone is different.
Words, are often heard...but feelings, aren't often feels. It might be emberassing at first, but..if you never tell someone how you feel about them, it'll be unfair for them. At least, people would know their reasons of existence...and what they'd done when they're alive, and so here i am...wiped away emberassed this word away from myself, and doing things solely from the heart, not with words.
A moment of happiness ? Or..
Went to 1U..and did something which is quite un-explainable. Or rather, i dont wanna talk about it. Good ? Yeah, i think..it's something that i really wished for, but sadly already known that it wont last long. Even though it's just a short time; but..it seems that i've been waiting for all these feelings in my entire life. Haa, but, after that..again, it was h3ll. Embracing someone, which you know it's not yours.
In the afternoon, i lost my wallet...It happened right when i didn't pay attention to it, even it's just a single second. Yeah, it all happen within 1 minute. Simply put, i ran awhile, drop it..went back, and it's lost. More like, it's mean to be gone. I dun mind, losing anything inside, except the pictures...especially the one we made in Pyramid, during those times. All this while, i've been telling myself, anything can be lose..but, not that...cause, it's too precious for me. So i guess, now..it teaches me; when someone wanna take away something for you, if it really happens, it will happen.
Rage, and angry when i lost it, and there she is again, standing by my side..cheering me up. She's the only one that can make me run, the only one that can make me cry, laugh, soft hearted, and sacrifices. Dont ask me what i mean, cause..that's what i meant.
Well, i guess it's just a day full of bad, and great memories. In the end, it's just...sadness..and once again, tears..are trying to rush out.
In the afternoon, i lost my wallet...It happened right when i didn't pay attention to it, even it's just a single second. Yeah, it all happen within 1 minute. Simply put, i ran awhile, drop it..went back, and it's lost. More like, it's mean to be gone. I dun mind, losing anything inside, except the pictures...especially the one we made in Pyramid, during those times. All this while, i've been telling myself, anything can be lose..but, not that...cause, it's too precious for me. So i guess, now..it teaches me; when someone wanna take away something for you, if it really happens, it will happen.
Rage, and angry when i lost it, and there she is again, standing by my side..cheering me up. She's the only one that can make me run, the only one that can make me cry, laugh, soft hearted, and sacrifices. Dont ask me what i mean, cause..that's what i meant.
Well, i guess it's just a day full of bad, and great memories. In the end, it's just...sadness..and once again, tears..are trying to rush out.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
The very single moment, in one m0rning..
Here am i, online in the morning...staring at her name...wondering should i message her, or not.
Yesterday night, was hell. Stayed up, doing nothing but thinking of her, holding back my tears all the night. Telling myself to stop this nonsense, and just wish her. But i guess it's impossible for me, for now.
Here she is, message me with a single poke that i've always love.How should i respond ? i never know...
Yesterday night, was hell. Stayed up, doing nothing but thinking of her, holding back my tears all the night. Telling myself to stop this nonsense, and just wish her. But i guess it's impossible for me, for now.
Here she is, message me with a single poke that i've always love.How should i respond ? i never know...
Snowflakes, that will never melt.
Before i forget what it meants, i should write this down. But before that, i got an interesting phrase to share:
"I dont simply make promises that i never intend to keep, when i say forever;Forever is what i meant"
Yes, as all of us knows, most of the promises were lies. But at least, the promises i had with this certain person, i still intend to keep it. Believe, and had faith with it. Though the time now might be hard for me, alone; Giving up aint an option for me, never. Snowflakes, will eventually melt when it falls, just like some promises that we make when we were young. But, the reasons i said it'll never melt, cause...it's promises that i intend to keep. Forever, without regretting.
"I dont simply make promises that i never intend to keep, when i say forever;Forever is what i meant"
Yes, as all of us knows, most of the promises were lies. But at least, the promises i had with this certain person, i still intend to keep it. Believe, and had faith with it. Though the time now might be hard for me, alone; Giving up aint an option for me, never. Snowflakes, will eventually melt when it falls, just like some promises that we make when we were young. But, the reasons i said it'll never melt, cause...it's promises that i intend to keep. Forever, without regretting.
The end ? Or, the new beginning.
It's the day that i'd finally tell her my true feelings, reasons...and things i had done in the past. Well, good thing is, everything had set clearly between us, finally she understand me. But, everything is too late now, way..too late. How nice if i realize all these 6 months ago; telling her how i feel...and, i would had be with her right now, rather than seeing her with another guy. Hurt, alot.
Things that i had learn from it, is really unforgetable...or should i said, it's something that it'll hunt me ,and regret forever. At first i really thought , why was people actually born for ? Continue living, passing on knowledge, our life aint gonna last long long, to love, and to hurt. For what sake ? own ? future ? the world ? Why the h3ll does so many religions, people type, and races exist anyway, since they're slowly merging up togethers, why do people want war for, when all have the same hope. This is just too weird, even though some share the same dream..but, they walk in a different path, which eventually lead them fighting with each other. How nice if those people meet in a different way, that they might be good friend.
It's 2:34 in the morning, 9th February, 2006. Did what i wanted to do, but no matter how people advice me, i still couldn't let her go. My time, i guess..it'll stop. From now, well..just a guess; but too bad, my senses, has been always right when it comes to the bad part. Move on ? I hope so, but that sounded impossible tho.
A lot of things happened, i suppose that line wont explain much. places embedded with alot of memories...everywhere i go now, reminds me of her...the angel, the only one that i had meet, and the last one that i'll love. People might think it's something good to remember, but..it was too good, to be sad as well.. I guess, i'm gonna live on like that for the rest of my life, with these feelings with me. Must be the payback for what i did to them. Sorry, wasn't enough. But, as for now i only pray for your happiness. Thanks, for all the time with me, i'll love you, forever...and ever, or even i cease to exist, there's no way you'll be replace in my heart. I'll prove it, from now onwards. Not to you, but..to everyone , and myself that, eternal love still exist.
Things that i had learn from it, is really unforgetable...or should i said, it's something that it'll hunt me ,and regret forever. At first i really thought , why was people actually born for ? Continue living, passing on knowledge, our life aint gonna last long long, to love, and to hurt. For what sake ? own ? future ? the world ? Why the h3ll does so many religions, people type, and races exist anyway, since they're slowly merging up togethers, why do people want war for, when all have the same hope. This is just too weird, even though some share the same dream..but, they walk in a different path, which eventually lead them fighting with each other. How nice if those people meet in a different way, that they might be good friend.
It's 2:34 in the morning, 9th February, 2006. Did what i wanted to do, but no matter how people advice me, i still couldn't let her go. My time, i guess..it'll stop. From now, well..just a guess; but too bad, my senses, has been always right when it comes to the bad part. Move on ? I hope so, but that sounded impossible tho.
A lot of things happened, i suppose that line wont explain much. places embedded with alot of memories...everywhere i go now, reminds me of her...the angel, the only one that i had meet, and the last one that i'll love. People might think it's something good to remember, but..it was too good, to be sad as well.. I guess, i'm gonna live on like that for the rest of my life, with these feelings with me. Must be the payback for what i did to them. Sorry, wasn't enough. But, as for now i only pray for your happiness. Thanks, for all the time with me, i'll love you, forever...and ever, or even i cease to exist, there's no way you'll be replace in my heart. I'll prove it, from now onwards. Not to you, but..to everyone , and myself that, eternal love still exist.
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