a post for Monday, September 18, 2006
I've been wondering how important is reasoning is, confuse with the fact that, whether it's something that people should say, or...depending on the situation. Long before peopel telling me telling reasoning is important, i always find that the fact that people telling reason on their action is a waste of time, since people..human themself dont trust each other in the first place, if reasoning is the reason that make other believe and know them more, it's just another way to monopolize other people thoughts, like how people do within politics and religions, which sometimes toying with people's mind and thoughts.
All the while i've been keeping quiet, not to give out reason, nor do explain my weird actions. Well, i was naturally born like that tho, and even the group im in last time, is a group that trained people how to be more dicipline, i think that's one of the reason why i'm turning into absolute quiet person who dun care what people say. Wait, do i have to prove that ?
Helping people is just what i always like to do, of course..with the compensation that, he/she wont tell out that im the one who actually do it. I've been living in the dark all the time, becoming the shadow of someone else. But seriously put, until now....i'd rather others wont know that i'd done something good...rather than letting them know. It'll just turn out the fact that i'm a jerk in the end anyway. How ? Think yourself.
Bad things happens around me all the time, people stabbing me from behind just because i never say anything about it, or stand up and to clarify my action is different from what they think. I never do all that, cause i "thought" they' were my friend, and smart enough to get confirmation from me, instead of assuming things without using their brain and thinking the whole picture. At first, i was quite pissed at all this, for knowing what they say....i'd rather not to know what's going on about me. Wants to make me feel bad by talking behind me ? Keep this in mind, you'll fail yourself thinking that, i won't care.
Things had changed...since this person tell me why i never explain things properly. I was thinking, if i explain, from 10 good people, and 1 (me) bad people, i'll made them become 10 bad people, and 1 good people, and at the same time, this person will understand and feel better. Sellfish isn't it, i'm betraying my own life prinsip just because of this one person, and turning everyone into bad people. Suprisingly, at the same time i'm trying to fix things up, by turning back the 10 bad people, into 10 neutral being, by giving out reason "Im sure they dont mean that". Geez, how stupid i am.
And as things goes by, i'd always thought that giving out reasons would be good, since i might avoid some misunderstood and uneccesary sadness that i created without me knowing. It was working well at first, since it makes others to reliase what i do, is totally different, and sometimes unpredictable....well, i would say that unpredictable person is nice to know, since, you'll only know him well if you dont compare with others. But, if a person would still think that they understand this person, and still say they are unpredictable, i would say...they're still comparing him with someone else. So, is it that hard to understand someone ?
If i were to write this and get evaluation, i think i would screw up instead, since there's no actual point that im trying to point out. But, im just saying what im thinking. Who cares what other people think. AND if people who read it and care, im sure they'll put much efforts on it, trying to understand, and ask the composer instead, so that they wont misunderstood..i guess thats why people uses question mark alot. But life has teach me one thing, people would assume, more than anything else. They would treat "You should had known" more than "you should had asked". What are humans now anyway, mindreaders ? if they're not..so you're gonna say they dont understand you at all ? There's so many reason that people trying to create day after day. But whats the point ?
I've found out that,there's actually a couple, which the gf would just go to his bf's msn account, and block girls that she don't know, cause she's worried..which doesn't really mean anything to me, except that..im thinking what's the point ? im too lazy to explain now...wait, i wont..Use your brain and stop stuck in your own thoughts and concept, cause...you're not the only one with brains in this tiny earth.
Last but not least, i wont be giving out reasons anymore on my own actions, it's just plain waste of time and hurting my own feelings. If people would wanna believe what they see and understand, i'll let them be. I cant make people to trust me, it's their life, their choice...for those who know me long, i would even keep quiet even if they ask me why about it.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Lately, the issue at home has been rised up again, i mean..not only us, among everyone...relatives, non relatives, and etc etc that's not related but yet related.
The bond of this stupid family, i mean..as in the entire blood connection isn't that good to begin with. I wonder if it's cause of those aunties, or maybe it's just the stupidity of some rich, or half rich people.
The very first issue was raised since 1984. When i was born, and was having a slight minor mini arguement between my dad and my grandfather. On whether who should i been taken care by...well, the arguement was rather simple, grandfather insist on taking me cause father got no time to take care of me due to his overflowing work at Bangsar last time, when we used to stay in Wangsa Maju, and father insisted...for don't know what reason tho..well, it's pretty obvious isn't it, cause im his son.
Then the next one i can remember is, the day of entering Kindergarden, i have no idea why i'm studying in 2 kindergarden each of the 2 years..weird...and sad tho, since the bond with my friends arent that good, and there was once i fell off from a monkeybar, and knocked my head slightly a little...maybe that's why i cant remember well what happened.
Entering primary school aint easy...and again, grandfather wants me go to a chinese school, and my father wanted me to go to english school...well, don't know much about the detail tho, but i finally get in a chinese school in wangsa maju...the only thing i remember is, going out at 630 am, and coming back home at 8pm...the only time that i could see my parents is the time we go to class, and waiting for them to come home after work. Other than that, i cant really remember my youth time..
Then the next issue i can remember is, the land in china was illegally taken by someone there to build apartments...due to some financial status, lawyers and such cant be done to take back the land that was originally ours. All they can do is, go there...and take a last glance at the land that we used to have...and because of this, my father's brothers, and my grandfathers brother, argued....weird, all only talks about the benefit of the land if taken back, but no one willing to spend money to hire lawyer to get it back...my grandfather is the only one who spent money on lawyer to investigate..but, it's never enough to put into court and get it back...and the case just droped like this..
hmm...and then again, father wants his siblings to each take 25k to buy a house for my grandparents..but, no one wants....weird isn't..."Family" that suppose to help each other..
Don't know about the detail of operation of my grandfather in China, all i know is, it's all paid by my uncle..my grandma's brother..and again, my father is the only one who look after him all the while..
My father passed away, and my auntie who claimed that she always pay for his medical checkup fees, took all his wills...and again, my father kept quiet about it...
When it comes to money, devil grows around them...there's currently few aunties staying in my uncle's house..all money sucker, and what's wrong that my grandma stay with his brother ? That they still have to complain about..don't mention that, there's one of them is not related to us at all..getting backstab and gossiping around aint something new anymore..
Now the issue of my father possibility of having a kidney stone...no one would even bother asking, except my grandma, and his sister..his brothers ? suckers that ask my sis about him, when he's around here and can ask him himself....i dont' really like the family here, that's why going to penang once a year during chinese new year, is like seeing alot of masked faces people..
and even now for me whom always planning ahead on what to do, run around and walk always...got complained again that im not doing anything..well, pretty obvious isn't it..if i dont do anything, i wont work in subang, i wont even get a job for tomorrow..isn't it...
During my birthday, they can even dare to ask whos birthday cake is that, slicing it up without telling me what they're doing with it..not saying anything or ask about my birthday night or anything at all about it...i've been wondering they care more about my health, my future, my pride...or, my wealth...
Hell, i hate this whole family tree...
The bond of this stupid family, i mean..as in the entire blood connection isn't that good to begin with. I wonder if it's cause of those aunties, or maybe it's just the stupidity of some rich, or half rich people.
The very first issue was raised since 1984. When i was born, and was having a slight minor mini arguement between my dad and my grandfather. On whether who should i been taken care by...well, the arguement was rather simple, grandfather insist on taking me cause father got no time to take care of me due to his overflowing work at Bangsar last time, when we used to stay in Wangsa Maju, and father insisted...for don't know what reason tho..well, it's pretty obvious isn't it, cause im his son.
Then the next one i can remember is, the day of entering Kindergarden, i have no idea why i'm studying in 2 kindergarden each of the 2 years..weird...and sad tho, since the bond with my friends arent that good, and there was once i fell off from a monkeybar, and knocked my head slightly a little...maybe that's why i cant remember well what happened.
Entering primary school aint easy...and again, grandfather wants me go to a chinese school, and my father wanted me to go to english school...well, don't know much about the detail tho, but i finally get in a chinese school in wangsa maju...the only thing i remember is, going out at 630 am, and coming back home at 8pm...the only time that i could see my parents is the time we go to class, and waiting for them to come home after work. Other than that, i cant really remember my youth time..
Then the next issue i can remember is, the land in china was illegally taken by someone there to build apartments...due to some financial status, lawyers and such cant be done to take back the land that was originally ours. All they can do is, go there...and take a last glance at the land that we used to have...and because of this, my father's brothers, and my grandfathers brother, argued....weird, all only talks about the benefit of the land if taken back, but no one willing to spend money to hire lawyer to get it back...my grandfather is the only one who spent money on lawyer to investigate..but, it's never enough to put into court and get it back...and the case just droped like this..
hmm...and then again, father wants his siblings to each take 25k to buy a house for my grandparents..but, no one wants....weird isn't..."Family" that suppose to help each other..
Don't know about the detail of operation of my grandfather in China, all i know is, it's all paid by my uncle..my grandma's brother..and again, my father is the only one who look after him all the while..
My father passed away, and my auntie who claimed that she always pay for his medical checkup fees, took all his wills...and again, my father kept quiet about it...
When it comes to money, devil grows around them...there's currently few aunties staying in my uncle's house..all money sucker, and what's wrong that my grandma stay with his brother ? That they still have to complain about..don't mention that, there's one of them is not related to us at all..getting backstab and gossiping around aint something new anymore..
Now the issue of my father possibility of having a kidney stone...no one would even bother asking, except my grandma, and his sister..his brothers ? suckers that ask my sis about him, when he's around here and can ask him himself....i dont' really like the family here, that's why going to penang once a year during chinese new year, is like seeing alot of masked faces people..
and even now for me whom always planning ahead on what to do, run around and walk always...got complained again that im not doing anything..well, pretty obvious isn't it..if i dont do anything, i wont work in subang, i wont even get a job for tomorrow..isn't it...
During my birthday, they can even dare to ask whos birthday cake is that, slicing it up without telling me what they're doing with it..not saying anything or ask about my birthday night or anything at all about it...i've been wondering they care more about my health, my future, my pride...or, my wealth...
Hell, i hate this whole family tree...
Not picking up calls, not appearing on msn....so that i can escape everything that people prepare for me, so that i can escape from each and every celebration that people might come up for me...but, in the end..i have to pick up a call, whom ask me go out at nights, friends that i only can rely on.
Not knowing what will happen next, was quite happy that everyone came out just to celebrate with me, as in those that always being there for me when im down....when i needed them, works and morning classes never stop them from seeing me just before my birthday ends, and of course the most unexpectedly, a cake that she bought for me...is there..
Knowing how special this cake is, my tears nearly rush out, nothing is even more happier than seeing her name on it, saying that it's from her..first thing i did was sms her since i cant call her, totally speechless cause i'm overjoyed with it, how can i not ? since i get to eat cake like once every few year....and on that day before my birthday ends, i can really feel her around..so, even tho it's just a cake..you're already there =) The first one, and the last one who wished me..thanks for everything.
:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+
So, all those without replies or smses is cause you wanted to be alone..sorry, i guess i should had just stayed at home, avoiding everything that might cause you to think that i left you out...i know it all, wait...is that even important ? Since i know you might be staying up just for it, since i already know you're kind of person that would stay up all the time just being ready for me...and i know it so well that you wont sleep that early even i had told you...yeah, it's true that i don't know how it feels for not being there, and the cake is there...but, for not be able to be there, cant do anything, seeing someone else celebrating with u with so much creativity, knowing that you finally happy over the cake you've been waiting for...and finally im relief that someone did come up with something, that i always wish for...but, nowing that you're so happy with it, im not sad about it anymore....not sad about not being able to do anything..
But, even tho i knew all that, still...it's abit sad that you're always being able to do anything that i wanted to do, which make me even more down..i don't know how to react on it sometimes, should i enjoy it ? should i just say thanks ? I wanted to turn down everyone request, and just bring home the cake..but in the end, i can only sms with you, telling you how much i love it, trying to make myself sound excited when i am excited with it, my tears nearly rushed out when you called at that time too...what can i say ? there no words that would or can express how happy i am that night...
And this morning you complaining about others celebrating with me ? Yeah, i know you dont like it...it's already my fault, i didn't know you would mind that i write about my friends on msn, since you already know how much i appreciate what you did...it's true that i never ask you to join, cause it's already 5 people here and i wouldn't know how to be with 2 situation...even tho i asked you too online, and you wouldn't, further more...i already did what i can, what do you expect me to do ? there's even a friend who skip work just because he overtired yesterday....
i really don't know what to say anymore, i know it's hard if you ask someone to do favors , especially those who you don't really know..that's why i wouldn't want you to get into trouble just because of me..cause, knowing that if they can get a cake, and knowing that i'll eat it without you around...is no different, which i think it's better to stay at home just to spend my quiet and happy day with you...but in the end, there's still things you can find and complain off...i really don't know what to do anymore..
Oh wait, did i mention that i went out, cause i probably know that he still will do the things you asked him ? hmm...it's getting messy here...maybe i should stop writing this with this feelings...
It was the greatest night yesterday just because of the cake.. as always, happiness dissappear so fast like you said..
Not knowing what will happen next, was quite happy that everyone came out just to celebrate with me, as in those that always being there for me when im down....when i needed them, works and morning classes never stop them from seeing me just before my birthday ends, and of course the most unexpectedly, a cake that she bought for me...is there..
Knowing how special this cake is, my tears nearly rush out, nothing is even more happier than seeing her name on it, saying that it's from her..first thing i did was sms her since i cant call her, totally speechless cause i'm overjoyed with it, how can i not ? since i get to eat cake like once every few year....and on that day before my birthday ends, i can really feel her around..so, even tho it's just a cake..you're already there =) The first one, and the last one who wished me..thanks for everything.
:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+
So, all those without replies or smses is cause you wanted to be alone..sorry, i guess i should had just stayed at home, avoiding everything that might cause you to think that i left you out...i know it all, wait...is that even important ? Since i know you might be staying up just for it, since i already know you're kind of person that would stay up all the time just being ready for me...and i know it so well that you wont sleep that early even i had told you...yeah, it's true that i don't know how it feels for not being there, and the cake is there...but, for not be able to be there, cant do anything, seeing someone else celebrating with u with so much creativity, knowing that you finally happy over the cake you've been waiting for...and finally im relief that someone did come up with something, that i always wish for...but, nowing that you're so happy with it, im not sad about it anymore....not sad about not being able to do anything..
But, even tho i knew all that, still...it's abit sad that you're always being able to do anything that i wanted to do, which make me even more down..i don't know how to react on it sometimes, should i enjoy it ? should i just say thanks ? I wanted to turn down everyone request, and just bring home the cake..but in the end, i can only sms with you, telling you how much i love it, trying to make myself sound excited when i am excited with it, my tears nearly rushed out when you called at that time too...what can i say ? there no words that would or can express how happy i am that night...
And this morning you complaining about others celebrating with me ? Yeah, i know you dont like it...it's already my fault, i didn't know you would mind that i write about my friends on msn, since you already know how much i appreciate what you did...it's true that i never ask you to join, cause it's already 5 people here and i wouldn't know how to be with 2 situation...even tho i asked you too online, and you wouldn't, further more...i already did what i can, what do you expect me to do ? there's even a friend who skip work just because he overtired yesterday....
i really don't know what to say anymore, i know it's hard if you ask someone to do favors , especially those who you don't really know..that's why i wouldn't want you to get into trouble just because of me..cause, knowing that if they can get a cake, and knowing that i'll eat it without you around...is no different, which i think it's better to stay at home just to spend my quiet and happy day with you...but in the end, there's still things you can find and complain off...i really don't know what to do anymore..
Oh wait, did i mention that i went out, cause i probably know that he still will do the things you asked him ? hmm...it's getting messy here...maybe i should stop writing this with this feelings...
It was the greatest night yesterday just because of the cake.. as always, happiness dissappear so fast like you said..
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I wonder how many personality can one has ? Like someone i know..he's actually quite a sweet guy...that i know..but infront of other, he cuss, straightforward, and abit the irritating sometimes...but hey, people still revovle around him..lol..so, unconciously, he's a sweet guy..just that no one ever thought of that =)
Still got alot of friends, that you cant really see their personality from their first look and conversation..cause most of them..are really hidden...but hey, the reason why you still hang out with them even tho you complain, is the best proof that they're good people =)
It's been awhile since i felt this way...happy, sad..but satisfied..to know someone care about me that much, and to let someone know that i care about her that much..is a feeling that no one can comprehend...well, some people say money, fame...and power is more important that love, for a guy..don't know why..i don't see all those things more important than the girl i love...i am living now, with all my heart, unlike last time whom always keep everything to myself, giving false expression...but hey, as long as people understands me, and i dont lie about my own feelings..everything is cool =)
Yet, another directon-less entry...
Still got alot of friends, that you cant really see their personality from their first look and conversation..cause most of them..are really hidden...but hey, the reason why you still hang out with them even tho you complain, is the best proof that they're good people =)
It's been awhile since i felt this way...happy, sad..but satisfied..to know someone care about me that much, and to let someone know that i care about her that much..is a feeling that no one can comprehend...well, some people say money, fame...and power is more important that love, for a guy..don't know why..i don't see all those things more important than the girl i love...i am living now, with all my heart, unlike last time whom always keep everything to myself, giving false expression...but hey, as long as people understands me, and i dont lie about my own feelings..everything is cool =)
Yet, another directon-less entry...
Friday, July 07, 2006
Even tho i'd said i'll be fine since the very first day, even tho i had said i don't mind..but till now, i have to admit that, things is getting harder and harder...getting hurter and hurter...wait..i mean, it's getting sadder...and much more sadder, and once in awhile, i'll go blank when i tried to pretend...pretending that i'm okay..
I had always ask, why cant you made things easier for both of us, why cant you just settle things as fast as possible, why not, you just make sure that time that we can spend together, not wasted on time that you don't want to waste on. You had always tells me that how dislike you are to spend time on something else..and yet..you're still doing it, i know..you might have no choice..but, do you really have no choice ?
After thinkin of all these stuff, and i came back to myself again..maybe i just deserve all these, maybe you just wanna be secure...and maybe, that's why i can't really decide what you should do now, since..everything happened is all my fault..well, since it's that way, maybe..i should just cheer myself up now, for saying everything is all my fault..
I never know, for having sms not replied, or waiting for phonecalls nor sms..is that painful...every minute, seems forever..for knowing you're with someone else, that i cant be around...and..for not knowing what's really going on..worse of all, for knowing that things i didn't mean to sound like or said, has hurt you...my life, getting suckier...i wonder, if i can sell my soul to the devil...
I had always ask, why cant you made things easier for both of us, why cant you just settle things as fast as possible, why not, you just make sure that time that we can spend together, not wasted on time that you don't want to waste on. You had always tells me that how dislike you are to spend time on something else..and yet..you're still doing it, i know..you might have no choice..but, do you really have no choice ?
After thinkin of all these stuff, and i came back to myself again..maybe i just deserve all these, maybe you just wanna be secure...and maybe, that's why i can't really decide what you should do now, since..everything happened is all my fault..well, since it's that way, maybe..i should just cheer myself up now, for saying everything is all my fault..
I never know, for having sms not replied, or waiting for phonecalls nor sms..is that painful...every minute, seems forever..for knowing you're with someone else, that i cant be around...and..for not knowing what's really going on..worse of all, for knowing that things i didn't mean to sound like or said, has hurt you...my life, getting suckier...i wonder, if i can sell my soul to the devil...
Been through alot of feelings in this past few days, found out that lunch hour can be so sad, due to one small matter. Well, you can say it's quite a big case, yet..doesn't matter..what am i saying..
After years thinking stuff about you, spending time with you, became your angel, and devil and the same time. I was wondering, was i even deserve a second chance ? not to mention, that can i ask for anything else ? Well, all i want is to have you by my side....the past, is pain..haunting everyone...for i, who are the ghost created those days, i think...it's the hardest part, when i'll have to be the one to cure all those things..
And all i want...is to be with you...
After years thinking stuff about you, spending time with you, became your angel, and devil and the same time. I was wondering, was i even deserve a second chance ? not to mention, that can i ask for anything else ? Well, all i want is to have you by my side....the past, is pain..haunting everyone...for i, who are the ghost created those days, i think...it's the hardest part, when i'll have to be the one to cure all those things..
And all i want...is to be with you...
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
after a long wait..finally it's your lunch hour ^^ Going out an hour early just to not let you wait..heh, reach Wisma genting at 1210pm, well, it's still early, and so i walk around to kill some time, tho the destination is only 7-11 and wisma genting = =
Well, after walking back and forth at that 2 places till 1230, finally i decided to stand near the elevator instead of looking like an idiot wandering around there..lol..
And so, you came down..too bad you didn't see me once you reach, but it's all okay since i see your smile after calling out for you =) And so, we had our lunch, and enjoyed our precious 1 hour lunch time of yours =P
Went to Maju Junction to take iC after that, only waited for half an hour tho for the queue, and came back around 3 something. Looking at clock, and knowing i cant see u for dinner, and so i decided to sleep, and hope that i wouldn't be thinking too much on why i cant find you.
After hours of sleeping and waiting, finally, it's 6 something. Had my dinner, chat with u awhile, and playing Dota to get my time pass. Wanted to go take ma shower, but kept thinking and worried that i might miss you call when im having my shower. Well, you should be home at 9 or 10 something tho, since you say you'll get home asap, and dinner is all i can think of that you'll be having.
Waited and waited...the clock seems like taking forever to tick...and worse of all..it's already 10 something, enduring the pain of not getting any replies and worried for nothing, finally a call frm you, that saying you're home. Even tho it's abit late, well..i guess it's fine, since i'm gonna see you =)
Sadly, things didn't work out as what i wanted...was wondering what you're doing whole nite, and you tells me dont mention about it. Ok, you might have some reasons...so i'll just let it be, i thought that you might be jumping of joy after seeing me, but who knows, i pissed you of without knowing it's actually my fault, that i don't really know. I cant believe this, i was only hoping to know what you did, and was hoping that you would be happy after i waited so long and look for you. But, nothing seems working right...sadz..and i cant even call and talk to you about it after i reach home...haihz..
Well, after walking back and forth at that 2 places till 1230, finally i decided to stand near the elevator instead of looking like an idiot wandering around there..lol..
And so, you came down..too bad you didn't see me once you reach, but it's all okay since i see your smile after calling out for you =) And so, we had our lunch, and enjoyed our precious 1 hour lunch time of yours =P
Went to Maju Junction to take iC after that, only waited for half an hour tho for the queue, and came back around 3 something. Looking at clock, and knowing i cant see u for dinner, and so i decided to sleep, and hope that i wouldn't be thinking too much on why i cant find you.
After hours of sleeping and waiting, finally, it's 6 something. Had my dinner, chat with u awhile, and playing Dota to get my time pass. Wanted to go take ma shower, but kept thinking and worried that i might miss you call when im having my shower. Well, you should be home at 9 or 10 something tho, since you say you'll get home asap, and dinner is all i can think of that you'll be having.
Waited and waited...the clock seems like taking forever to tick...and worse of all..it's already 10 something, enduring the pain of not getting any replies and worried for nothing, finally a call frm you, that saying you're home. Even tho it's abit late, well..i guess it's fine, since i'm gonna see you =)
Sadly, things didn't work out as what i wanted...was wondering what you're doing whole nite, and you tells me dont mention about it. Ok, you might have some reasons...so i'll just let it be, i thought that you might be jumping of joy after seeing me, but who knows, i pissed you of without knowing it's actually my fault, that i don't really know. I cant believe this, i was only hoping to know what you did, and was hoping that you would be happy after i waited so long and look for you. But, nothing seems working right...sadz..and i cant even call and talk to you about it after i reach home...haihz..
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Here i am..fixing your noteBook..when keep thinking that you're out..with someone else. I guess people are right, love...is not all about happiness, and sadness..sometimes, there's some other feelings that people cant explain, or maybe..i just don't know how to explain. Let's just say that, no one wants..to see their love one with someone else...
Through out the nite for this 2 hours...i've been thinking about you...all long, till i don't even hurt myself..stupid keyboard steels, made a cut on ma finger...but it's not pain at all...loving you, and missing you...magically ease the pain, there's blood, and scar..but, nothing is as strong as your existence...
I only care, what kind of life you're in, what kind of sadness or happiness that would go on with u..and so, i just wouldn't wanna see u sad, even if it's just a moment, in a blink of a moment..
Miss you...that's all im feeling now..
Through out the nite for this 2 hours...i've been thinking about you...all long, till i don't even hurt myself..stupid keyboard steels, made a cut on ma finger...but it's not pain at all...loving you, and missing you...magically ease the pain, there's blood, and scar..but, nothing is as strong as your existence...
I only care, what kind of life you're in, what kind of sadness or happiness that would go on with u..and so, i just wouldn't wanna see u sad, even if it's just a moment, in a blink of a moment..
Miss you...that's all im feeling now..
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Sometimes, i really hope that im not as sensitive as i can be now. Hearing things that i wouldn't wanna know, seeing things that shouldn't be seeing, and knowing something..that i shouldn't know...it hurts when people are just guessing it..but it's far more worse after knowing it..
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
With all the choco on my table..i couldn't resist it...eeach and everyday, i must at least eat something from ma collection..nyak nyak..thanks girl for giving me all these choco's xD Eating this much of choco is definitely better than doing a girl.... =P
I've been wondering since when i started to like choco..hmm..let's see..
Trying to remember the first choco i eat :::::: Failed
Trying to remember the reason i started eat choco :::::: Failed
Trying to remember the type of choco that i like :::::: Failed
...
...
System error, (A)bort ? (R)etry ? (I)gnore ?
at this point..h3ll like i care = = i luv choco now..that's pretty much the most important here xD
Im writing rubbish here..anyway, choco is the only food tat makes me happy, cheerful all the while...well, i can say it's ma best friend last time >.<>
A writing with no sense, and no exact plot or point..i think, i'm gonna stick with that =)
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
With all the choco on my table..i couldn't resist it...eeach and everyday, i must at least eat something from ma collection..nyak nyak..thanks girl for giving me all these choco's xD Eating this much of choco is definitely better than doing a girl.... =P
I've been wondering since when i started to like choco..hmm..let's see..
Trying to remember the first choco i eat :::::: Failed
Trying to remember the reason i started eat choco :::::: Failed
Trying to remember the type of choco that i like :::::: Failed
...
...
System error, (A)bort ? (R)etry ? (I)gnore ?
at this point..h3ll like i care = = i luv choco now..that's pretty much the most important here xD
Im writing rubbish here..anyway, choco is the only food tat makes me happy, cheerful all the while...well, i can say it's ma best friend last time >.<>
A writing with no sense, and no exact plot or point..i think, i'm gonna stick with that =)
Sunday, June 25, 2006
It doesn't matter to me..it never was..all i want is, being able to see you happy, that's what it all matters to me.
Everyone got their own life, and things to do..maybe missing you and giving up most of the thing just for you, is what i wanted. But doesn't mean that you have to miss me all the while, give up most of the things just for our own happiness.
I always said, i would never leave; means, i would never dissappear from you, unless...u dissappear from me.
When i said i don't have enuff of you; means that, i missed you like h3ll on that day, the time we spent not even enuff to satisfy me, and i doubt i'll be satisfy...i just wanna be with you forever, and ever..
If i say i'll do thing at ur pace; means that, i dun care what kind of things you had in mind, maybe it might hurt me, gives me troubles...as long as you're fine with it, i would just push ma sadness away, and just support you with ur own decision...
And seeing you sad is definitely not what i ever wished for...i have no idea, how long i can hold on to all this, how long, i can see you facing the same thing over and over again...i wouldn't mind if people hate me, but till the day comes, i might just end the things now, that made you so sad, and stressed. Nothing, is sadder than seeing your saddy face...
Everyone got their own life, and things to do..maybe missing you and giving up most of the thing just for you, is what i wanted. But doesn't mean that you have to miss me all the while, give up most of the things just for our own happiness.
I always said, i would never leave; means, i would never dissappear from you, unless...u dissappear from me.
When i said i don't have enuff of you; means that, i missed you like h3ll on that day, the time we spent not even enuff to satisfy me, and i doubt i'll be satisfy...i just wanna be with you forever, and ever..
If i say i'll do thing at ur pace; means that, i dun care what kind of things you had in mind, maybe it might hurt me, gives me troubles...as long as you're fine with it, i would just push ma sadness away, and just support you with ur own decision...
And seeing you sad is definitely not what i ever wished for...i have no idea, how long i can hold on to all this, how long, i can see you facing the same thing over and over again...i wouldn't mind if people hate me, but till the day comes, i might just end the things now, that made you so sad, and stressed. Nothing, is sadder than seeing your saddy face...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)