a post for Monday, September 18, 2006
I've been wondering how important is reasoning is, confuse with the fact that, whether it's something that people should say, or...depending on the situation. Long before peopel telling me telling reasoning is important, i always find that the fact that people telling reason on their action is a waste of time, since people..human themself dont trust each other in the first place, if reasoning is the reason that make other believe and know them more, it's just another way to monopolize other people thoughts, like how people do within politics and religions, which sometimes toying with people's mind and thoughts.
All the while i've been keeping quiet, not to give out reason, nor do explain my weird actions. Well, i was naturally born like that tho, and even the group im in last time, is a group that trained people how to be more dicipline, i think that's one of the reason why i'm turning into absolute quiet person who dun care what people say. Wait, do i have to prove that ?
Helping people is just what i always like to do, of course..with the compensation that, he/she wont tell out that im the one who actually do it. I've been living in the dark all the time, becoming the shadow of someone else. But seriously put, until now....i'd rather others wont know that i'd done something good...rather than letting them know. It'll just turn out the fact that i'm a jerk in the end anyway. How ? Think yourself.
Bad things happens around me all the time, people stabbing me from behind just because i never say anything about it, or stand up and to clarify my action is different from what they think. I never do all that, cause i "thought" they' were my friend, and smart enough to get confirmation from me, instead of assuming things without using their brain and thinking the whole picture. At first, i was quite pissed at all this, for knowing what they say....i'd rather not to know what's going on about me. Wants to make me feel bad by talking behind me ? Keep this in mind, you'll fail yourself thinking that, i won't care.
Things had changed...since this person tell me why i never explain things properly. I was thinking, if i explain, from 10 good people, and 1 (me) bad people, i'll made them become 10 bad people, and 1 good people, and at the same time, this person will understand and feel better. Sellfish isn't it, i'm betraying my own life prinsip just because of this one person, and turning everyone into bad people. Suprisingly, at the same time i'm trying to fix things up, by turning back the 10 bad people, into 10 neutral being, by giving out reason "Im sure they dont mean that". Geez, how stupid i am.
And as things goes by, i'd always thought that giving out reasons would be good, since i might avoid some misunderstood and uneccesary sadness that i created without me knowing. It was working well at first, since it makes others to reliase what i do, is totally different, and sometimes unpredictable....well, i would say that unpredictable person is nice to know, since, you'll only know him well if you dont compare with others. But, if a person would still think that they understand this person, and still say they are unpredictable, i would say...they're still comparing him with someone else. So, is it that hard to understand someone ?
If i were to write this and get evaluation, i think i would screw up instead, since there's no actual point that im trying to point out. But, im just saying what im thinking. Who cares what other people think. AND if people who read it and care, im sure they'll put much efforts on it, trying to understand, and ask the composer instead, so that they wont misunderstood..i guess thats why people uses question mark alot. But life has teach me one thing, people would assume, more than anything else. They would treat "You should had known" more than "you should had asked". What are humans now anyway, mindreaders ? if they're not..so you're gonna say they dont understand you at all ? There's so many reason that people trying to create day after day. But whats the point ?
I've found out that,there's actually a couple, which the gf would just go to his bf's msn account, and block girls that she don't know, cause she's worried..which doesn't really mean anything to me, except that..im thinking what's the point ? im too lazy to explain now...wait, i wont..Use your brain and stop stuck in your own thoughts and concept, cause...you're not the only one with brains in this tiny earth.
Last but not least, i wont be giving out reasons anymore on my own actions, it's just plain waste of time and hurting my own feelings. If people would wanna believe what they see and understand, i'll let them be. I cant make people to trust me, it's their life, their choice...for those who know me long, i would even keep quiet even if they ask me why about it.
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