This is exactly what i meant..

You see, there's a reason why people wouldn't want to get serious in their relationship, of course i'm not saying everyone will have the same situation, but people like me who sometimes regret over a decision that has been made, even tho everyone says it's the correct one.

I don't know why, i think the time has come to a near end, that my life shall change dramatically to another curves, where people will not even realize how much this will change the people around me, if i change.

i'm frustrated and annoyed by people around me who never even try to use their brain even before they thinking. Not to mentioned they don't even know how to respect and to learn to think how important the reason for their living. Let's just say that, this world is all screwed up actually.

Thinking about other's feeling..

As far as i'm concerned, it's totally wrong to say those word to other people if you don't intend to say sorry in the end.

Because, no matter how you look into it, mens, don't understand a single thing about others, including themself.

Inconsiderate ?

Or is there another word to describe these people ?

This is getting sick and tiring for all these to happen again and again. For someone who promise and say OK to go out at night, become see how first, and did something else in the end by not telling people exactly what happen ? Wait wait, simply put..How hard is it to just be HONEST ?

Damn all of you

Annoying, freaking annoying...

I've been wondering how screw up this world is lately, there's just too many kind of screw up people in this world, considering the fact that you'll meet more kind of people as you grew, i never thought it could be this bad that pissed me off so easily.

Here, on the top of the list, i hate Ignorant Screw Up Asses, not only they lack of knowledge and concentration, or even wanting to learn...they are so screw up that they could easily forget the things they asked just a few second split away..i'm like, "WTH, are you even listening to what i'm saying ? AND are you even remembering what you asked ?" This kind of people, congratulation, you've earned the "Most annoying person, yet screwed up person".

The another top of list would be, Screw up self-prolaimed. This group of people consist of all kind of bullshits, and even more bullshits on their head. Not only the thing that they said is 100% non-sense, they're more annoying even before they open their mouth.

So dear people, please use your commonsense, your brain, your courtesy or whatever you can think of, before you even speak, so that people won't hit you even before you open your mouth.

Thank you

A path, that started to get blurry...

It seems that it have to come to this, where at this rate...things will get even worst on everykind of decision.

It's easy to acknowledge and to proceed, but it won't solve anything and repeat over and over again. It's easier for the thread to be broken, if it was pulled longer and longer without adding more thread to it, and it's harder to decide, when it's just a simple opening words once all these happens.

I wonder, should i, or shouldn't i..This might mean nothing to most of us, but somehow..you can't pleased everyone with the facts..

The path, i'm taking...

After browsing through various photographer's work since 2005, i just realize i have wasted so much time messing around on things that i actually like to do. I'm wondering, whether i'll be like what they are now in the next 3 years time. At that time i'll be like, 27 years old ?

Well, time to rethink and reconstruct a more reality resolution this year on my photography path :

1. To have at least 3 senior photographer (Whom snapping picture for work more than 2 years) to recognize and acknowledge my work.

2. Getting hold all the basic of handling the DSLR that i had invested on.

3. To have at least 2 Models potrait outdoor shoot.

4. Being invited on at least 1 of the eventl.

5. Knowing more place of interest in Malaysia.

6. To earn enough profit to create a smugsmug account/host a website on my work.
I think that's about it that i can think of, hopefully i'll carve this into my brain and archieve it as soon as possible =)

Not so lonely, yet...un-true

It's been awhile since i felt this way. Even tho i had everything i wanted, the things i want the most will never definitely be the one that i could get hold of. People might think it's so precious since i can't get hold of those feelings, but in actual facts, i had once felt it, but lost it due to some reason.

This kind of feeling come and go, when it comes, i tried to get hold of it, but i sorta like not-so-dare to get hold of it once it going off. Perhaps, this is one of the thing that humans lack of, which is flexibility.

I really don't want this kind of life continues, where it's only half attached, i want it to be more consistent, more flexibility, more open minded, and lastly, it's more enjoyable. Not because i'm sellfish that i wanted my life to be the best compared to others, but it's the life that i found it enjoyable since it's the life that i'm living in.

And again, who will ever understand ? no one....in the end..

Round 2 is coming...soon

It seems that my assumption is correct.

He has never change, it went almost immediate effect once he got hold of what he want, so obvious that you can't even deny it no matter how hard you try to.

I don't know why, maybe i've been thinking too much. Still wondering if it's normal for people tends to forget the friends once they're in relationship. And, if it doesn't work out well, they turn back to you and complaint on every single thing.

So what is friends all about...just another insurans when you have no where to run ? But at least insurans you paid a certain amount of fees every months/year, but you don't do the same to your friends.

It happened to a few of my friends, where we don't use to go out as much as we do last time, talk, nor do share anything. Probably this is what we call the different path in life that changes "everything". But then again, i'm just frustrated that sometimes, it make me felt that i've been toyed around during this whole time, just for their own benefits.

I'm forecasting that in a week time or 2, this friend of mine won't even bother giving me a call anymore.

Things, where you can never explain

I've been always wondering when will be the day like this will happens, the day where 2 person's thoughts can be differ from each other when there are things to be done.

"If all you can say that you care, but you can't show it. You're just lying". Perhaps i'll be a liar all these while. Not to mentioned there will never be a day that i'll be someone that everyone hope for. I'm not the kind of person whom wanna live up to people's expectation, i just wanna live the life i want. Is that hard ?

Everytime when things goes like this, when i was hoping that you would understand and do not worried about things like 'these', it never will happen. In the end we'll just up for some arguement that you think everything went absolutely wrong, and at my end there's nothing that actually went wrong.

What's wrong with not seeing each other for a few days, as of last time when people do not have Handphones and time, they still love each other even tho they see each other once a month.

What's wrong with me for not being around once in awhile when you're with your friends ? It's not like im neglecting you or something, at least the time i'm using is for the future that i think it would help.

If you truly think that i don't say anything, means that you're facing all these alone. Then i'm afraid to say the life that i'm living is much more lonely than what you can think of. I can't think of anything which is much even worst than not be able to reply, talk, or to express when one's having conversation. No one ever know, how does it feel that when you're quiet and not being able to say anything.

If i am not someone who can say as much as people wish, means i'm not. If i am not talkactive as other people, means i'm different. If i'm not doing anything that people doing all the time, it doens't mean i don't have the thoughts. People can accept the fact that i don't care if i don't voice out, but people will never care and accept that you care if you did something. I guess, words are more important for people than "availability", haha. Ironic world.

If i would to explain every little thing, you would go answer and give you opinion on everything i said, if i were to give mine opinion after yours, that would leaves as if i'm not acknowledging, and worst it'll only lead to "i make you cry" situation. Things like this just keep repeating, and repeating. I've been always wonder if it's normal for people to think of everything as bad prospect as long as they weren't being pampered.

The bottom line is, i'm different. Stop treating me the same as other people. And i don't treat people the way i want them to treat me back, i live the life i want as how i want, and i got my own way of expression and doing things. I guess as long as people don't accept that, it wont mean anything.

I have changed ?

Always looking forward seeing you, trying my best to be at place. Going on best effort so that my heart is around eventhough i am tired.

Everyday, everymoment. I think of you when i'm free at work. Thinking of what to do at the end of the day, with you. No matter how tired i am, no matter how moody, or depress i am from work. It will never effect the reason for me to find you, cause i need to see you.

All these while i have been a person who is not organize enough. But now, i've learnt how to prioritize.

When i work, i focus at work; But when i'm on break or lunch, i think of you.
When i drive, i focus at driving; But when the road is clear, i will hold on you.
When i'm exhausted, i rest; but when you're around at the same time, i try be by your side.
When i'm out with you, i put away my tiredness, my moodyness, my worryness, and my sellfishness. All i had in mind, is to let you enjoy as much as you can.

On Monday, i was ignoring the fact that i'm tried, and go out walking with you.
On Tuesday, i ignore the fact that i am depress from work, and try my best to be out with you.

But, today...after hours of working with sleepie and stressful mood, all i asked for is to rest earlier at home. And i cant even chat with a cheerful you, instead...i am not resting even tho i am home.

You said i don't give much emotion when i not seeing you...and when i already told you i'm tried. Even tho i tried not to let you think that way by giving you a short call after work. It still happen.

You said i am not used to be what i am. Well, that's because things changed, and i don't see it changed to the bad side. As i still love you as much as i do.

You SmS me thought i weren't even gonna sms you. That message just made my day the worse, as i was being positioned that way even tho i tried so hard.

Please baby, don't let me worry all the time, i would bring you out if i knew you were moody cause of the heat. But sometimes, things won't get better if we don't help each other. How hard is it to do things that you don't like just to make things better ?

That reminds me, i hate living in this house, i hate the fact that i have to stay in office for so long, hated the fact that i am talking on the phone everyday, the fact that i am in sales, and need to presuade people. Hated the most when i don't have enough money to do the things i want.

But i'm glad i know you, glad that you're with me. Loving you makes me forget all those hatred. So please, stop thinking that i've changed or doesn't prioritize you, cause i always do. It hurts the most when you think i don't care about you. Even tho there are times that im not doing the things that i used to do, but i do still think of you all the time..