4 letter word.

"I love you"

Yes, you heard it right.
How would you re-act if i tell you this ?

I think of you so much, until it is hard to tell how much i really care for you and love you.

I am not afraid that you will not be mine,
I am not afraid that you won't have time for me,
I will not force you to stay,
I will not ask anything in return,

The only fear that i have is you decided not to see, or speak with me anymore.

Even after so many years, 
Even after so many distractions, 
Even after countless of efforts... 

 The past, still lingers around... 

 I guess, this will be my curse, that will follow me, till i stop breathing.. 

 I wonder, if i can ever rest in peace.

I'm always here

Finally...it's all gone.

The end.

I have a lot of reasons.

Even if i'm willing tell.

Who would even believes those anyway.

I'd rather not being love,

than my love being rejected.

Where is the love ?

Even after 300 post, i still don't understand....what do i really get in return, for loving people with all my heart.

Maybe..i should stop looking for it.

This is Rei, and my life, is still zero.

How do i find, the right one..

A girl whom i can't goes on with my half-hearted feeling.

A girl whom i can't give her what she truly deserve.

A girl whom i can't see a future with.

A girl whom i can't tell her i'm sorry.

A girl whom i can't even dreamt of being with.

A girl whom i can't tears apart her life obstacle to be with me.

A girl whom i can't be with her at due to different lifestyle.

A girl whom are so far apart that's almost impossible to be with.

A girl, whom i don't have faith in myself to gives her happiness.

Where can i find, my answer ?

Life, isn't fair anyway...

Seeing how i was treated, and how a stranger was treated...it really saddens me.

For someone who isn't considerably close are being concern being asked almost everything for working 10 hours once in awhile which office isn't really that far away. What about me whom work for almost half a year where i worked for 12 hours where i couldn't get enough sleep. And didn't even being cared about even when get home.

Sometimes i really wonder, does everything has to be my fault and deserved to be treated this way ? Even with thoughts that i put them more important by my own ?

Is there...any love left for me...

A featherless wing.

This has gotten abit way too serious, and not a laughing stock anymore.

Seriously, how many problems do they intend to shower until now.

I guess i'll need to take one steps ahead now...i hope, i could do this, without needing to really care of what other people thinks.

It's weird that, there's no one i could really turn to...so, what are love really for anyway if that's the case. All these while, it has done nothing, except pain in the end...no matter what i do, it seems useless...

Really, what else do the world wants for me now...i can't decide anymore..

Naive ?

It's just like going up to a roller coaster, the feeling of excitement and anticipation while queuing up for it, feeling dilemma and excited at the same time while sitting inside while waiting for it to starts..excitement grows when the roller coaster going up, and the feelings starting to rush in and remixed when the roller coasters goes up and down.

For my life have been always a roller coaster, whether it's been slow or fast pace,been good or not...no matter how fun, or happy those moments are, every time before it actually started, i'll always get stuck at prologue and ended up failing even before it begins...i'm not sure what have i done wrong, nor do whether i've been cursed or not...and so it seems, the things that happens to me is always out of my control, and it'll never turn out right for me before it even begins.

I'm really getting sick of this, it's like a novel where you started writing it with all your efforts, the feelings of not being able to end it...for almost quarter of your decade is tiring...depressing, and lonely...i'm...really wanting to get out of this, i'm really tired of all these..whether it's my own life, or my love life..even though all i ask for, is just a simple lifestyle.

But, where can i go...where can i leave too...i can't just head to someone i love, i can't just do what i want or could anymore, and i really don't want to grow fear of my own future that could brings only sadness to others...

I wonder...if the future i dreamt of, is possible...even tho i dreamt of it to be as realistic as possible, it seems to be getting further..and further away.